Tag Archives: writing

April 3, 2015

It’s Hard To Believe…

By altarofheaven

It IS hard to believe…

It’s hard to believe I need a sacrifice for my sins.
It’s hard to believe God would come down in the flesh and save me.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been forgiven of my past sins.
It’s hard to believe I have the power to overcome future sins.
Its hard to believe I can speak to God Almighty.
It’s hard to believe God can hear me.
It’s hard to believe I can hear Him.
It’s hard to believe God lives in me.

It’s hard to believe God loves me.

It IS hard to believe.

That’s why it takes a working of GOD to save us:
To save us from this of doubt Him.
To save us from this division from Him.
To save us from this depression within.
To save us from this darkness around.
To save us from our sins.
Oh what GRACE is HARD to comprehend!

Please LORD,
Remind me again how Your grace and mercies are new each morning.
Remind me how the blood of Jesus still cleanses;
Remind me of Your faithfulness and righteousness to forgive;
Remind me of Your presence within.

 

***

God saves
When I was first born again six years ago I was overly zealous for Jesus Christ. Though I shared Christ with those around me, I was trying to make others believe. I had salvation ambition and I came across as a ‘Bible thumper.’ I wanted so badly for others to be rescued out of the darkness and depression I once knew.

But what I didn’t fully realize then that I do now is this…I can’t make anyone believe, not even myself. Saving faith is a work of God.

So today I sow the Word implanted in me…I sow with my mouth, I sow with my writing, I sow with my living and I sow with my tears.

I pray and wait as God causes a growth.

May this God Friday be the day of someone’s salvation.

*Read Titus 3

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January 31, 2013

Ambition: A Holy One

By altarofheaven
Dreams

“My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

Ambition is defined as “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.”

For 30 years my ambition was to get degrees, make a six-figure salary, and climb the ladder of worldly success–basically it was to build my own kingdom. ‘I’ actually accomplished all of this under the age of 33.

My Daddy would say I would climb the highest mountains of success and was already looking for the next highest challenge to defeat just before finishing the one I was on. He was right. He meant it as a compliment, and for many years I took it as one. That was until I met Jesus Christ on 2-12-2009. That morning in the privacy of my home I wholly surrendered my life and I have never been the same since. I put all of my selfish dreams, desires, aspirations on the altar and told God I would follow Him wherever He would go and do whatever He would ask of me. That was almost four years ago and I still mean it just as I said it then.

When I saw an invitation to participate in a 31 days to dream again with Michele-Lyn the word ‘dream’ sparked my curiosity. Was it really OK to dream? I was weary because of all the ‘prosperity doctrine’ out there tickling the ears, telling people God was there to accomplish their dreams.

But I knew better about Michele-Lyn, a vessel of honor and daughter of the King of kings. I have read her story through tears and tight knots in my throat praising God for the redemption He brings to all of us, and how beautiful it looks in her life.  God placed her heavy on my heart to pray for and it has been amazing to witness through her blog how she “reflects the Lord’s glory” and is “being transformed into Christ’s likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit”(2 Corinthians 3:18).  One of the first questions she asked in this 31 days series was: “How do you feel about your dreams”  I was not expecting my response:

Fear. I’m afraid to dream again because my personality is one that goes ‘above and beyond’ and I’m afraid I will advance in my own strength.  I’m afraid I will get distracted by the things of this world and forget my first love Jesus Christ. I’m afraid I won’t accomplish what God has first asked: to be His daughter, a wife and mother. I’ve spent so many years chasing my own dreams and desires I’ve wasted so much time setting my mind on my own interests not God’s. I know perfect love casts out all fear and God’s love is perfect. I know I must begin on my knees seeking first God’s kingdom and righteousness and ‘all these things will be added’. Is that’s what’s happening here? God is adding something?

As I revisited stones of remembrances I see God DID add a dream in my heart one year after my rebirth! I was putting my 4 year old son to bed and he asked me to tell him a story. I made one up. Everyday the story would grow and centered on the love of God.  One day my son told me to write the book. I froze and didn’t write.  Do you know what he did? His four year old hands illustrated the book and then he sat me down and told me to write the words. This ‘book’ sits in my treasure box. Friends have encouraged me in various ways to write. I was paralyzed with fear and said, ‘I’m not a writer.’

I could cry when I think about how patient and loving God is with me. How He is showing me what I look like to Him, and how He sees me. True to the commitment I made I have followed Him where He has taken me and I realize it’s been 15 months since my first blog post! I didn’t know what I was doing {still don’t} but it’s been 15 months of writing 15 months of training 15 months of ‘Waiting and Writing God’s Way ‘.

When I read these words from Michele-Lyn I knew this was for me:

Dreamers, this I am saying to you…

Speak life into those who are dead in their sin.
So they would stand and be carriers of His glory, too.
To advance His Kingdom in this earth.

So stopping you means stopping the advancement of His Kingdom because God has chosen to use you,
to be His body in the earth, so others would know that the Son was sent by God the Father.

I wept. God has replaced my worldly ambition with a Holy one!

Today I make another step towards walking out the ‘good works He has prepared beforehand’ for me to do and I make the commitment:

Abba, I will write the children’s book you have placed in my heart. I am approaching this assignment with fear and trembling because I do not want to misguide anyone. I do not want to forsake the first callings You have given me as Your daughter, a wife and mother. I cast these cares on You knowing You will sustain me and You will never let me fall because of the robe of righteousness I wear from Your Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit gently guiding my steps. ‘My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.’ May it happen to Your servant as You have said. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

What good works has God given you to do?

 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

“But if I say, I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name, then in my hear it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I m weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.” Jeremiah 20:9

alifesurrendered.com

13 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Conviction-Confession-Cleansing, Stones of Remembrance

September 14, 2012

A Stone Of Remembrance Never Collected…Until Now

By altarofheaven

“Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” John 8:32

 

This is a letter {stone of remembrance} to my 16-year old self:

Hey you, beautiful young lady—yes I called you beautiful.  I see you. I see you hiding in the family pantry contemplating death.  I see the wounds you cover up with anger, jealousy, hatred fueled by insecurities and perfectionism.  I see your sadness and perpetual feeling of loss from a broken home, not having your mama to raise you. I see your tear stained pillow. I weep with you right now.

My heart groans for your sadness and hurt and how you numb yourself and put on masks trying to be all you can be for everyone. There are so many truths I want to share with you but I only have time for a few:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others. You know that one girl that you have compared yourself since sixth grade? You know who I’m talking about—you say, ‘she’s everything I am not.’ Stop comparing…you will find out later at graduation day she signs your yearbook saying how much she admires you! Run your own race sweetheart—one day you will learn to keep your eyes fixed on Someone else.
  • Stop letting your insecurities keep you from loving others. See yourself and others as God sees you; God has gifted each of us differently, celebrate the differences don’t envy others or wish yourself away—someday you will be free to enjoy the Butterflies!
  • Stop trying to please others and force friendships. Don’t you feel like you’re trying too hard? It only makes you feel rejected and lost when they don’t respond to your friendly smile or notes.  God wants you to have friendships too—one day you will learn ‘The Gift and Purpose of Friendship’!
  • Stop being distracted by the things of this world. Yes, it’s difficult to be a United States Marine Corps  ‘base kid’ in a school full of students with wealthy two parent homes. That is one of the reasons you end up throwing yourself into making money…and you do make over $100K before you turn 34 but one day you fall in love and follow Someone very special exchanging worldly rags for glorious riches!
  • Keep Writing! You have written journals and stories since you were eight years old—don’t stop I enjoy reading them and seeing how God has transformed and made a redeemed life beautiful—I call them stones of remembrances.
  • Don’t live in fear. I know the near fatal accident of your Daddy when you were five left you living in fear of losing someone you love.  I know how you keep a distance from people because you know they will someday leave but sweetie, just let go and love without fear because God will give you the grace to go through any loss.
  • It is not OK. You learn some hard lessons at an early age. You are trapped by lies and insecurities and allow the first boy that showed attention to you take sacredness from you.  He berates and hits you eliminating any confidence you have. My heart hurts to remember this. He has hurt you real bad and you are like a worn timid puppy thinking there is nothing better than this—he tells you that but don’t believe his lies. It will hurt to leave but you must, and you do. You will see God helps you, though you don’t see it that way…at first. You do end up marrying a wonderful man and learn the true purpose of marriage.
  • Forgive. There is a lot you are holding in your fragile heart poisoning your heart, darkening it, you must forgive. In time, and with Someone’s help, you will.
  • God is real and He still speaks! You have heard about God and it is evident all around you. You finished your catechism, made your first holy communion when you were eight but this moment you are unsure.  You don’t believe there is a God–though inside you wonder if you could be wrong, especially after meeting several ‘different’ teenagers that seem to radiate a Light. But, right now your heart is so hardened and you think if God does exist He really wouldn’t want a worn out sinful teen as yourself—you’ve already messed up in so many ways.  But God does want you.  He’s drawing you right now.  All those people He’s sent into your life telling you the greatness of Who He is—but  you run the other way.  You make fun of these Christians. But He’s still with you. He’s with you right now. In three years you begin to seek Him hesitantly and in your own terms.
  • Don’t just wear the cross around your neck bear your own.

The ultimate Truth is you can’t do anything of these things on your own.  In fact it’s not what you know but Who you know that will heal you.

You need a Savior, you need Jesus Christ. Bring your brokenness to Jesus Christ. Sweetie, I know you make fun of Jesus lovers right now but you become one in seventeen years, and it’s the best decision you ever make. You will learn apart from Jesus Christ you can do nothing.  You will learn to know God the Father and Jesus Christ IS eternal life.  You will learn God’s Spirit must come BEFORE you can produce eternal fruit. You only need to believe on the Lord Jesus, turn from your sins and turn to Him and you will be saved. You cannot earn this GIFT of salvation, it is grace.

I know you are still reeling from receiving that Scholarship from Horatio Alger Association.  I also know deep down inside you feel they made a mistake.  You feel unworthy.  Especially after they flew you to Washington D.C. and you met all of those beautiful intelligent students from across the States—I hear your words, ‘Surely, they made a mistake.’ But they did not. “The lot may be cast into the lap but EVERY DECISION IS FROM THE LORD.” This was another gift of grace from the One that created you.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!” 2 Corinthians 3:17

But still you will spend many years trying to prove to others you deserved that scholarship.  Just like you will spend so many years trying to clean up and ‘be good’ to prove you deserve salvation—but the truth is, you don’t deserve the gift of salvation, none of us do.  We all deserve death, but Love came down—God incarnate, Jesus Christ came down and walked among us and died on the cross making the final sacrifice for the sins of everyone—the FINAL sacrifice. It is finished.

Aren’t you tired of trying? Draw near to God through Jesus Christ and you will taste and see the Lord is good and you will see how all this time God has been with you.  I know you want to do great things and before you were encouraged to make an ‘investment in America’s future’ but you will do even greater things…you will make an investment in God’s kingdom as you teach your children and sow God’s Word to those around you through your life of worship.

*One more thing…do you remember when your English teacher Mrs. Judi Conroy said, ‘Arcelia, you are beautiful, you are like an enclosed flower that is having a hard time growing but one day Someone would lift it and you will blossom.” Well, that Someone is Jesus Christ! You are free sweet one, your faith has healed you—now go and tell others!

**

This letter was inspired by Emily P.Freeman’s invitation to write a letter to my teenage self, in celebration of the release of her new book, Graceful, for teenage girls.

What would you say to yourself, as a teenager? This was very revealing and encouraging for me to write. I encourage you to do the same–even if you don’t share it with anyone else 😉

24 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Stones of Remembrance

July 14, 2012

Waiting and Writing For God’s Way

By altarofheaven

“Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11

Waiting and writing for God’s Way, reminds me of waiting and riding God’s waves.  When you surf you are still and wait, watching, and remaining prepared for the right moment.  Then when the wave comes you paddle quickly positioning yourself to ride it all the way in to the shoreline. Even though there’s work you do to get the wave, God is the One that supplies all: the wave, the money to buy the board, the ability and strength you have to ride…even your breath.

Writing is that way for me.  I wait for the ‘moment’ when He reveals the Words He wants me to share.  It is true I ‘paddle’ and ‘position’ myself with the pen or keyboard, I read His Word (the Bible) but God supplies all: the ‘Way’ I should write through His Word, the money to buy the materials, and the ability and strength I have to write…even my breath.

I know I am equipped and guided to write by God and for God. I would do well to remember that.

I desire to share only what He allows and wants me to share and God is currently broadening this lesson to my conversations (utterances). This requires faith, prayer and obedience (discipline) on my part but God is always there to help me.

For example, as I was driving to a friend’s home I prayed and asked God to help me speak no idle words and that our time together would glorify Him and edify one another in His Word.  I asked Him:

“How can I make sure our conversation is pleasing to You Father?”

At that moment I pass by a sign on a yard that read:

I ‘misread’ it as: “Keep Yielding.”

Those ‘misread‘ words encouraged me by reminding me of the day Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins reconciling us and providing a Way to God the Father.  Matthew 27:50 says Jesus “cried out with a loud voice, and yielded up His Spirit.”

I acknowledge the equipping I have been given to help me to ‘keep yielding’:

Jesus Christ rose from the dead three days later conquering sin and death and is seated at the right hand of the Father.  By His grace I have repented and have been baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of my sins, and I have received the gift of the Holy Spirit helping me obey God (Acts 2:38).

I can avoid speaking and writing ‘idle’ words if I keep yielding, submitting, entrusting myself to God by the power of the Holy Spirit.  By God’s grace I am His child and He leads me in His Way by His Spirit that lives in me.  I must listen, trust and obey Him.  When I do, the pen is like the instrument of a surf board allowing me to write in His Way by His Spirit accomplishing His purposes past the shoreline and into eternity.

May I never forget why, how and for Whom I write.

Abba, Father thank You for sealing me and giving the Spirit of Jesus Christ into my heart as a pledge of my inheritance.  Help me to keep my eyes fixed on Your Word never forgetting my purpose is to glorify You in all I do.  Help me to be a good steward of everything You have entrusted to me, even every breath.  May my utterances, pen strokes, and typing be done in the strength that You provide so You will be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

*Some bread for those who hunger and thirst for righteousness:

“For all flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off, but the word of the LORD endures forever….” 1 Peter 1:24-25

“Then he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the LORD of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6

 “Those who obey His commands live in Him, and He in them.  And this is how we know that He lives in us: We know it by the Spirit He gave us.” 1 John 3:24

“…those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God” Romans 8:14

 “Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’” Galatians 4:6

“If because of the sabbath, you turn your foot
         From doing your own pleasure on My holy day,
         And call the sabbath a delight, the holy day of the LORD honorable,
         And honor it, desisting from your own ways,
         From seeking your own pleasure
       And speaking your own word,

Then you will take delight in the LORD,
         And I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;
         And I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father,
         For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.” Isaiah 58:13-14

11 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Stones of Remembrance

March 16, 2012

A Restored Heart Reveals

By altarofheaven

"...But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man." Matthew 5:18

Out of the heart the mouth speaks…
Out of the heart the pen writes…
Out of the heart the fingers type…

Out of my heart thoughts form into words, and these words sometimes come out of my mouth…on pen and paper, and occasionally online…in all cases it reveals a lot about the state and condition of my heart.

  • Is it a heart of stone unwilling to mold and change or a heart of flesh soft and teachable?
  • Is it an unforgiving heart holding on to grudges, or a heart choosing to extend grace?
  • Is it prideful, arrogant and unrepentant or humble, broken and contrite?
  • Is it greedy unwilling to share, or generous and gracious ?
  • Is it a heart seeking the favor and trying to please others, or a heart seeking God’s Kingdom and bond-servant of Jesus Christ?
  • Is it insecure, envious and jealous or secure in Jesus Christ, thankful and content?
  • Is my heart divided and indecisive or whole and convicted and led by the Holy Spirit?
  • Are God’s commandments on my heart?

Each time I turn the computer on, I take a spiritual inventory of my heart and search it and ask, “am I reading and writing from the new heart God gave me or the old one?”

My words, whether written or spoken reveal the color of my heart. Is it green with envy or red covered by the blood of Jesus Christ–Pure.  My greatest desire as a writer is for me to write only when my heart is pure, when I can write Who I see–God.

Unlike talking and speaking (which I also enjoy), when I write there is a longer “grace” period between heart to thought to delivery; I can pray more fervently BEFORE I write, I pray AS I write, I pray again before I press “publish” and I continue to pray for the hearts that will read. With writing I have my ‘editor in chief’ (AKA: my husband) review and approve each entry.  I realize I can do that with talking too…think before I speak~”Taking every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ” (my Eternal editor in chief).

I truly understand David, a man after God’s own heart when he wrote under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

So what does your heart say about you these days? I put some ‘bread‘ below for you to chew on…

Almighty Father, thank You for allowing me to share what You teach me. Its been 6 months since You called me to write on this blog, please continue to help me to write by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Thank you for my new heart, a whole heart devoted to You, may I quickly confess and repent those days I forget you gave me a new heart or when my heart changes color or hardens. I want to please You. I am Yours. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Deuteronomy 6:5-6

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.”

Luke 6:45
“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”

Ezekiel 36:26-27

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be
careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 11:19-20

I will give them an undivided heart and will put a new spirit in them;
I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.
Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be
my people, and I will be their God.

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