Ambition: A Holy One

“My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

Ambition is defined as “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.”

For 30 years my ambition was to get degrees, make a six-figure salary, and climb the ladder of worldly success–basically it was to build my own kingdom. ‘I’ actually accomplished all of this under the age of 33.

My Daddy would say I would climb the highest mountains of success and was already looking for the next highest challenge to defeat just before finishing the one I was on. He was right. He meant it as a compliment, and for many years I took it as one. That was until I met Jesus Christ on 2-12-2009. That morning in the privacy of my home I wholly surrendered my life and I have never been the same since. I put all of my selfish dreams, desires, aspirations on the altar and told God I would follow Him wherever He would go and do whatever He would ask of me. That was almost four years ago and I still mean it just as I said it then.

When I saw an invitation to participate in a 31 days to dream again with Michele-Lyn the word ‘dream’ sparked my curiosity. Was it really OK to dream? I was weary because of all the ‘prosperity doctrine’ out there tickling the ears, telling people God was there to accomplish their dreams.

But I knew better about Michele-Lyn, a vessel of honor and daughter of the King of kings. I have read her story through tears and tight knots in my throat praising God for the redemption He brings to all of us, and how beautiful it looks in her life.  God placed her heavy on my heart to pray for and it has been amazing to witness through her blog how she “reflects the Lord’s glory” and is “being transformed into Christ’s likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit”(2 Corinthians 3:18).  One of the first questions she asked in this 31 days series was: “How do you feel about your dreams”  I was not expecting my response:

Fear. I’m afraid to dream again because my personality is one that goes ‘above and beyond’ and I’m afraid I will advance in my own strength.  I’m afraid I will get distracted by the things of this world and forget my first love Jesus Christ. I’m afraid I won’t accomplish what God has first asked: to be His daughter, a wife and mother. I’ve spent so many years chasing my own dreams and desires I’ve wasted so much time setting my mind on my own interests not God’s. I know perfect love casts out all fear and God’s love is perfect. I know I must begin on my knees seeking first God’s kingdom and righteousness and ‘all these things will be added’. Is that’s what’s happening here? God is adding something?

As I revisited stones of remembrances I see God DID add a dream in my heart one year after my rebirth! I was putting my 4 year old son to bed and he asked me to tell him a story. I made one up. Everyday the story would grow and centered on the love of God.  One day my son told me to write the book. I froze and didn’t write.  Do you know what he did? His four year old hands illustrated the book and then he sat me down and told me to write the words. This ‘book’ sits in my treasure box. Friends have encouraged me in various ways to write. I was paralyzed with fear and said, ‘I’m not a writer.’

I could cry when I think about how patient and loving God is with me. How He is showing me what I look like to Him, and how He sees me. True to the commitment I made I have followed Him where He has taken me and I realize it’s been 15 months since my first blog post! I didn’t know what I was doing {still don’t} but it’s been 15 months of writing 15 months of training 15 months of ‘Waiting and Writing God’s Way ‘.

When I read these words from Michele-Lyn I knew this was for me:

Dreamers, this I am saying to you…

Speak life into those who are dead in their sin.
So they would stand and be carriers of His glory, too.
To advance His Kingdom in this earth.

So stopping you means stopping the advancement of His Kingdom because God has chosen to use you,
to be His body in the earth, so others would know that the Son was sent by God the Father.

I wept. God has replaced my worldly ambition with a Holy one!

Today I make another step towards walking out the ‘good works He has prepared beforehand’ for me to do and I make the commitment:

Abba, I will write the children’s book you have placed in my heart. I am approaching this assignment with fear and trembling because I do not want to misguide anyone. I do not want to forsake the first callings You have given me as Your daughter, a wife and mother. I cast these cares on You knowing You will sustain me and You will never let me fall because of the robe of righteousness I wear from Your Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit gently guiding my steps. ‘My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.’ May it happen to Your servant as You have said. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

What good works has God given you to do?

 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

“But if I say, I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name, then in my hear it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I m weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.” Jeremiah 20:9