Tag Archives: jealousy

April 30, 2012

Free To Enjoy the Butterflies!!

By altarofheaven
Photo Credit: Photo prise le 5 mai 2006 (© majamarko / Flickr)

Photo prise le 5 mai 2006 (© majamarko / Flickr)

Do you like butterflies? Do you know the colors you see on butterflies are not from pigmentation, but rather they are a reflection of light? It’s true! I was watching God of Wonders when I discovered this awesome truth!

Butterflies were created with microscopic bio-photonic scales and the colors you see reflect the light of the sun.  Does this sound similar to someone else God created?

Like you and me…we are created in the image of God and if you are a Christian you can reflect the Light of the Son (Jesus Christ).  The Light that shines in you is not from you but from Him.

It was through this revelation that God has freed me from something I had been struggling with off and on in my life…OK I’m about to be transparent so please give grace:

Envy. Jealousy.

There I said it. I confessed it and God has cleansed me and I repent-turn from my sin of envy and jealousy and turn to Jesus Christ, the One who is able to keep me by the power of His Holy Spirit. Now He wants me to share with you…

Because of my insecurities of being a Mother I would sometimes feel green towards other Mothers. I would compare myself to her. I can’t cook like that. I can’t draw like that. I can’t write like that. I can’t…the list went on.  Instead of enjoying how God created them I was stuck on what He didn’t create in me. I forgot that He already created in me a clean heart–but I acted as an unbeliever. I had an ungrateful, un-thankful and critical heart which made for a lonely journey.

It was lonely because I didn’t allow myself to get close to anyone and God had to protect the woman–He was not going to allow me to hold the heart of another woman if I had envy and selfish ambition.  He told me this in James 3:13-18:

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

When God speaks, I listen.  His Words cut to the core of my green heart and now that I knew what the problem was, I knew how to pray.  I prayed for wisdom from heaven, I prayed I would be a peacemaker sowing peace to reap a harvest of righteousness for His kingdom.  I prayed I would abide and remain in Jesus Christ because I knew apart from Him I could only bear artificial fruit. I couldn’t ‘fake it’ I needed Him to surgically remove this root of bitterness and envy and help me to see other women as He does…then He gave me the butterfly. Wow, wow, wow!

As I heard how butterflies  reflect light I pondered all the different kinds of butterflies that are out there I realized they are doing what He created them to do and they are ‘being‘ what He created them to be…reflect light.  When I surrendered and gave God my green heart and when I prayed for His wisdom guess what happened?

I could see the hearts of other women (saved and unsaved)! I could be gracious and compassionate regardless how they reflected (or didn’t reflect) His Light.  And NOW I knew what I was supposed to do…pray.

Pray and thank the Lord for how He made those that reflect His Light–love them and thank them for their obedience and glorify God with them!

Pray for and LOVE those that do not yet shine His Light, or have green hearts toward me or are flickering.

In all cases, love and thank the Creator for the created.

So now I am free to enjoy the Butterflies…not just the ones outside flying around but the ones I see all around me. Women who love God and serve Him and share Him with others.  Women who are far from Him.  I now refuse to be used against God and I choose love.  I do this because I love Him.

You can’t sow what you don’t know.  Now I am ready to teach my children how to appreciate how God uniquely created them and others to reflect His Son. I’m glad I have this stone of remembrance that I can visit the next time I am tempted to look at others and not the Author and Perfecter of my Faith-Jesus Christ.

What about you? Do you appreciate the gifts, talents, creativity of others or do you let insecurities keep you from appreciating them limiting your ability to glorify God?

I’m praying for you dear reader. If you do not know our Creator, I pray He will draw you to Himself and open your eyes to see His glory and give you a new heart and put His Spirit inside you. I pray He will surround you with saints in Light that are loving you to Jesus Christ.

For my brethren I pray that we ‘may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that [we] will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.” (Colossians 1:9-12)

Praying my daughter is a wise woman who fears the Lord and sees herself and others as God sees

“But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:22-25

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March 16, 2012

A Restored Heart Reveals

By altarofheaven

"...But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man." Matthew 5:18

Out of the heart the mouth speaks…
Out of the heart the pen writes…
Out of the heart the fingers type…

Out of my heart thoughts form into words, and these words sometimes come out of my mouth…on pen and paper, and occasionally online…in all cases it reveals a lot about the state and condition of my heart.

  • Is it a heart of stone unwilling to mold and change or a heart of flesh soft and teachable?
  • Is it an unforgiving heart holding on to grudges, or a heart choosing to extend grace?
  • Is it prideful, arrogant and unrepentant or humble, broken and contrite?
  • Is it greedy unwilling to share, or generous and gracious ?
  • Is it a heart seeking the favor and trying to please others, or a heart seeking God’s Kingdom and bond-servant of Jesus Christ?
  • Is it insecure, envious and jealous or secure in Jesus Christ, thankful and content?
  • Is my heart divided and indecisive or whole and convicted and led by the Holy Spirit?
  • Are God’s commandments on my heart?

Each time I turn the computer on, I take a spiritual inventory of my heart and search it and ask, “am I reading and writing from the new heart God gave me or the old one?”

My words, whether written or spoken reveal the color of my heart. Is it green with envy or red covered by the blood of Jesus Christ–Pure.  My greatest desire as a writer is for me to write only when my heart is pure, when I can write Who I see–God.

Unlike talking and speaking (which I also enjoy), when I write there is a longer “grace” period between heart to thought to delivery; I can pray more fervently BEFORE I write, I pray AS I write, I pray again before I press “publish” and I continue to pray for the hearts that will read. With writing I have my ‘editor in chief’ (AKA: my husband) review and approve each entry.  I realize I can do that with talking too…think before I speak~”Taking every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ” (my Eternal editor in chief).

I truly understand David, a man after God’s own heart when he wrote under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

So what does your heart say about you these days? I put some ‘bread‘ below for you to chew on…

Almighty Father, thank You for allowing me to share what You teach me. Its been 6 months since You called me to write on this blog, please continue to help me to write by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Thank you for my new heart, a whole heart devoted to You, may I quickly confess and repent those days I forget you gave me a new heart or when my heart changes color or hardens. I want to please You. I am Yours. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Deuteronomy 6:5-6

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.”

Luke 6:45
“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”

Ezekiel 36:26-27

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be
careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 11:19-20

I will give them an undivided heart and will put a new spirit in them;
I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.
Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be
my people, and I will be their God.

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March 10, 2012

The Gift and Purpose of Friendship

By altarofheaven

I am content with the Portion of friendship God gave me…Jesus Christ!

“A friend LOVES at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17)

Got friends? Even a better question: are you a friend to others? I must confess I have struggled with understanding the true meaning and purpose of friendship for a long time.  I struggled with the feeling that I was a bad friend.  Even worse than that, I struggled with jealousy and envy when I saw cliques or two close friends and it didn’t get better when I went on Facebook and I would see conversations or events I wasn’t invited to (I know pretty petty).  I wanted a close friendship so badly I would try to make people my friends, and when they didn’t respond in kind I was offended. I made friendship about me.  About my needs and wants and now I see I was wrong. This new revelation was given to me by God’s truth, cleansing me from a green spot in my heart and I feel free—I must sow what I know!

In 1 Samuel 18 there is a beautiful true story teaching us God’s gift and purpose of friendship through David and Jonathan.  David was a shepherd boy that had just killed Goliath with the strength of God.  King Saul was impressed by this young man and ‘did not let him return to his father’s house.’  Jonathan was the King’s son and according to tradition, would be the next heir to the throne but that was not God’s plan.  We see their first encounter in verse 1:

“Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.”

As I read this, I tell God, ‘Now that’s the kind of friendship I want.’  Then my eyes are opened:

Who knit the souls of David and Jonathan? God.

Where did this love for David come from? God.

What is the second commandment? “Love your neighbor as yourself”

I smile and my heart races! God is the creator of all things and has purpose in all things, and desires for me to have deep friendships too, and He helps me by giving me a command to love my neighbor as myself—just as Jonathan loved David as himself.

Then I see ‘my’ part, in the friendship: After God knitted their souls and gave Jonathan love for David, it was from this love that prompted Jonathan to “make a covenant’ with David:

“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.  Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor including his sword and his bow and his belt.” (1 Samuel 18:3-4)

Aside for how personal these items were to Jonathan, I also see the symbolism of these items he freely gave:

  • Robe that was ‘on him’: His right to the throne (Here, take what I have, even my position)
  • Armor: He let down his defenses and was vulnerable, open, transparent (I choose to trust you with my heart and feelings)
  • Sword and bow, belt: He gives up weapons (I will not harm you)

When I read this true story, the Words of Jesus whisper into my heart:

“Greater love has no one than this, man lay down his life for his friends…”

But how? How do I ‘lay down my life?’ Where does this sacrificial love come from?  Again, I am reminded: this love comes FROM God, the fruit of His Spirit.  The Spirit must come before the fruit for it to be genuine fruit, otherwise it will be artificial and I don’t want artificial fruit or friendship.  I ‘see’ the fellowship I have as a Christian is a gift from God for God.  God knitted the soul of Jonathan and David for His kingdom purposes. The knitting of my soul to another is for God’s kingdom and for His Namesake, it’s not about my needs and desires, it’s about serving His purposes!

  • As an individual I was created to glorify God
  • My marriage with my husband is to glorify God
  • My role as a Mother is to glorify God
  • Friendship with others is to glorify God

All for God by God! I feel the chains of jealousy and envy toward cliques and ‘best friends’ fall off me as I realize God ordained and allows those close friendships. Yes, I realize there are still mean people that are exclusive to others, but their behavior has no affect on my relationship and purpose with the Lord. In fact, I am called to love them no matter what!

Now instead of trying to add to my ‘friends list’ I’m going to surrender and allow the Lord to love through me and show me the friends He chooses at His appointed time.  He is the one who knits souls together, I should not force it.  I chose not to be envious of the relationships of others but to be content and present and obedient on what He has put before me…always remembering my neighbor is the person next to me.  Now, I am ready to teach my children about the gift and purpose of friendship!

What about you? Is your heart knit to the soul of someone? Do you love them as yourself?  Before we can have fellowship with others we must first start with God. He is the One that equips us to be a friend.

If you feel like you don’t have a friend I want you to know you can have at least One.  You can be a friend of God. He has made and fulfilled a covenant by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die for your sins so you can have fellowship with God.

Jesus laid down His life for me, and He did it for you.  He covers you with His Robe of righteousness allowing you to have access to God the Father!! He has given you His armor to stand firm against the schemes of the devil helping you to remain faithful. Jesus said, “you are My friend if you do what I command.”   Jesus strengthens me to be the friend I cannot be on my own through the power of His Holy Spirit.  I’m praying for you dear reader…

“…that [your] heart may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ Himself in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2-3)

35 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Conviction-Confession-Cleansing

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