His shoulders slump and his head is down in defeat as he shares with me a repeated sin he committed. He looks frustrated, weary and condemned. I too am frustrated ready to pile on condemning words, until I felt a tinge of compassion fill my heart. I was reminded of the confessing cleansing conversation I had with a friend about my sins just minutes before.
By God’s grace, I knew it was most important to share with my son the spiritual heart of the matter, to tell him the truth about the Truth-Jesus Christ.
To be transparent and share my genuine compassion for his sin struggle because I struggle too. It was a holy opportunity to share the Gospel. To share the gift of forgiveness and mercy that comes through repentance towards God and faith in the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. To share the freedom that comes by power of the resurrected Christ. To walk him to God’s throne of grace.
It was a chance to remind us we’re not perfect and we need a Savior. Any righteousness we have comes from Jesus Christ in us. We are to practice righteousness, press on to maturity, but only God will perfect us until the day of Christ Jesus.
I write this stone of memorial to remind myself, we must practice patience–with ourselves…and one another.
***
When I was a new Christian I was naive to think I would no longer make a mistake. I read that I was a “new creation” and given a “new heart,”and though I “knew” I was not perfect, I made an expectation for myself that I should be perfect or I was a hypocrite.
This led me to great frustration and even condemnation because I couldn’t understand the continual struggle against sin I was dealing with, let alone the number of times I failed. What I see now is any holiness I have is CHRIST IN me. I have seen my flesh and it’s ugliness to the point I’ve doubted my own salvation! The redeeming part is that my flesh and sin remind me of my need for a Savior. This gives me compassion for those that struggle, beginning in my own family.
A fruitful life comes by a daily walk of abiding in the one who is perfection: Christ.
Everything you say is right and everyone else is wrong. It needs to be your way, you hurt people with the things you say and do but don’t care. If they hurt you, you harden your heart and cut them out of your life pretending they don’t exist.
But one day after making another selfish decision it doesn’t “feel” right. You wonder what this “feeling” is about…maybe your conscience? You shrug your shoulders and ignore the “feeling,” sometimes escaping and using things of the world to numb your heart.
This “feeling” happens often enough you begin to see other things, like how your selfishness hurts others. At first you react indifferent as if you don’t care, but deep inside you do. You begin to see “ugly” in you. It comes to the point when you can’t handle it anymore and you wonder, “Can I ever change?”
You strive to succeed. You try to be nicer to people, try to say nice things, but your thoughts reveal the authenticity of your heart…”ugly.” You still press forward and begin to do charitable deeds to feel good about yourself but it never lasts.
But one day you’re introduced to perfection—Jesus Christ. You don’t know Him but you know about Him and You want to be like Him. He’s so loving, patient and kind, all the things you know you are not. You begin going to Church, reading the Bible and you try to be like Him but fail every time. In fact, the more you read the Bible, the more you learn about the Holiness of God and the more you see your “ugly” heart and your inability to love God and others.
You “pour” out your ugly heart and begin to “mourn” and weep about the “ugly” in you. You feel hopeless and doubt there could ever be a change in your “ugly” heart. and you want a new heart. You are overwhelmed on where to begin in this change…then one day you meet Jesus for yourself and are invited into a reconciled relationship to KNOW the One that heals hurts and hearts…the scales fall of your eyes and you see:
The only One that can change your heart is the one who created you–God the Father
The only Way to get to God the Father is to be reconciled to Him for all those times you cherished your “ugly” heart and hurt Him and others
The only Way to be reconciled to the Father is through Jesus Christ
The only Way to get a new heart is to be born again
The only Way to keep this new heart unstained by the world is to walk in the Light
The only Way to walk in the Light and be Revived is to place your faith in Jesus Christ:
Believe Jesus came to save you from your “ugly” not condemn you
Believe Jesus took the sacrifice for your “ugly” and it is finished
Believe Jesus reconciled you to God the Father
Believe you have been given the resurrection power to abstain from “ugliness”
Believe Jesus is praying for you
Believe God is faithful and righteous and will continue to forgive you of your “ugly” and cleanse you
So one day you give your “ugly” dark heart to God and He takes your heart of stone and gives you a heart of flesh and puts His Spirit in you, telling you the way to go and you begin to walk in the Light.
You know you are not perfect but believe God will complete the work He began you until the day Christ returns.
As you walk in the Light with your new heart you sometimes experience that same “feeling” and see “ugly” but now you don’t ignore this “feeling” and instead you daily pour out your heart to God and turn to Him and experience a new feeling a “burning.”
This “burning” is God refining you, making you more like Christ….isn’t that what you wanted? To be like Jesus Christ? That is what our Creator, your Father wills.
*That “burning” of sinful flesh is sanctification making you more like Christ
A change of heart only comes through God by turning from your sinful ways to God and placing your faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ.
Repentance towards God and faith in The Lord Jesus Christ. Repentance and faith…is the lifestyle of a child of God.
“Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.” Isaiah 45:22
‘”For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”
All of these words described how I felt and acted as a teenager. I felt disillusioned and disappointed at life.
As a young child I began my life trusting people, but as time passed my heart was subjected to the hurts and pains of this world caused by sin.
Divorce, division, disappointment, loss, lies, betrayal and hurt. I began to build a wall around my heart and eventually I didn’t trust anyone–not even God. I was convinced anyone I loved would either leave me or let me down. I had become a bitter and angry person who hid my hurts behind a mask of smiles and laughter but inside I was dying, desperate, lonely and lost.
I wanted the physical death I felt inside, and yet I would hide in a closet to cut myself to feel alive.
At 15 I was given an assignment to draw a picture of my life and this is what I drew:
A Broken heart held together with a band-aid to reveal my hurt and battered heart not knowing it was caused by the sin in my heart and the sin around me.
A Puzzle of Life with a missing piece to depict how I felt incomplete and knew something was missing in my life.
A Border of Question marks to describing how I didn’t understand my purpose in life and why I existed.
On the back I wrote a poem:
I felt no one understood this darkness, misery and sadness inside.
Growing up didn’t change the way I felt. The difference was how I tried to fill that missing piece.
Instead of cutting I tried to make myself feel alive by filling my emptiness with other things: alcohol, friendships, pleasing others, man’s love, college, money, a successful career, dream home, marriage, vacations, children….but nothing would take away that nagging feeling that something was missing and I still didn’t know my purpose in life.
By 33 years old my heart had become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. My own un-confessed un-repented sin in my heart and the un-forgiven sin of others done to me.
But one day God sent a human messenger full of the Holy Spirit to share with me once again Who the missing piece was:
Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life
I found this pin a few months after I had been born again, and recently I found this assigned poem and drawing with my old journals.
It’s amazing that after all these years God would be so personal to allow me to find this pin that matches so perfectly the ‘missing piece’ I drew when I was 15. Jesus Christ was always the missing piece in my life.
The day I chose to place my faith in Jesus Christ I was taken out of darkness and put into God’s marvelous Light.
*The blood of Jesus Christ washed and cleansed me of all my past sins and I was given a clean new HEART no longer needing a band-aid to hold it together
*God satisfied that void and missing piece by filling me with His Holy Spirit, teaching me the ‘right way’ to live, reminding me I am His child and Jesus is the Way the Truth and the LIFE enabling me to repent of my sin and forgive the sin committed against me.
*I no longer QUESTION my purpose because I know my purpose: to glorify God by knowing Him and making Him known to others.
Today I still go into a closet…but this time it’s not to cut myself but to confess, repent and be cleansed daily so that my heart will not become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin…the sin I commit, or the sin committed against me.
The love of God compels me to share this with those who are hurting.
BeLoved, whether you are a teenager, young adult, or elderly…God loves you with an everlasting love and He wants a relationship with you through Jesus Christ.
Sin is hurtful and people are sinful and will always let us down no matter how close they are to us. We are all fallen and can never fill that empty piece we are searching to fulfill–the only One who can fill that void is Jesus Christ.
The missing piece. It wasn’t having perfect parents or a perfect life…the missing piece has always been Jesus Christ.
I’m thankful for God’s LOVE. Despite the circumstances in my life I no longer feel lost, lonely, bitter, or dead because I am alive together with Christ and I am now made complete. This gift is not only for me but for you too…
“For in Him (Christ) all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is head over all rule and authority;” Colossians 2:9-10
Imagine entering into an ark, a vessel of safety for you and your family in which you built obediently with the wisdom and direction of God. You know God will send rain on the earth forty days and forty nights just as He has said. But you don’t know how LONG you will have to WAIT for the surface of the ground to be dry and when God will allow you to ‘go out of the ark’.
There were two birds that were sent out to see if the flood water were abated. These birds can represent how our minds might behave when we wait for the ‘flood’ of our circumstances to subside: the Striving Raven or the Abiding Dove.
“Then it came about at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made; and he sent out the raven, and it flew here and there until the water was dried up from the earth.” Genesis 8:6-7
Since the raven never returned to the safety of the ark, Noah sent out another bird, the dove:
“Then he sent out a dove from him, to see if the water was abated from the face of the land; but the dove found no resting place for the sole of her foot, so she returned to him into the ark, for the water was on the surface of all the earth. Then he put out his hand and took her, and brought her into the ark to himself.” Genesis 8:8-9
Do you see the difference between the raven and the dove? The raven is like our flesh, striving and flying, never resting in the ark of safety that has been given but being self sufficient to the point of exhaustion.
The dove represents abiding peace, life and rest which comes when we RETURN to the safety of the ark. There is rest for your soul in Jesus Christ!
Are you like the raven, flying ‘to and fro’ striving to fly above this sin flooded world in your own strength? Or are you like the dove returning to the place of abiding rest in Christ?
“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace…” Romans 8:6
If you are a Christian, you have entered into an ark of safety–you have peace with God through Jesus Christ. No matter your circumstances, be still and don’t try to ‘save yourself’ but continue to place your trust and faith in Jesus Christ. May you rest in the finished work of Christ being an ark, a vessel for the Holy Spirit to rest in by continually abidingin Christ.
**This dove also brings a message of abiding hope…{this post is to be continued….}
“Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen” Romans 15:33
Rest In Peace (RIP) is an acronym most often seen on tombstones at cemeteries. The truth is we don’t have to wait until we are physically dead to rest in peace, we can have rest for our souls in God’s peace ‘Today’! Jesus Christ said:
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”(Matthew 11:28)
Rest is defined, “to cause or permit one to cease from any movement or labour in order to recover and collect his strength; calm, refresh”
If we come to Jesus Christ and walk and learn from Him, we will find rest for our souls! Jesus uses the word picture example of yoking ourselves to Him. A yoke is “wooden beam used between pair of oxen to enable them to pull together on a load when working in a pair.” Jesus says;
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30)
This rest for our souls is not laziness or stagnation or free from burdens, but rather resting in the finish work of Jesus Christ.
We join Jesus in lovingly plowing and preparing the hearts of others to receive the seed (God’s Word) and working alongside Jesus in the plentiful harvest.
If your souls are not resting in peace there are many possible reasons; here are a few:
“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you…”Acts 3:19-20
You have not turned from your ways and to God’s ways and rested in Him (Isaiah 30:15)
You are not waiting on the Lord, asking for His path and walking in it (Jeremiah 6:16)
You have hardened your heart to the voice of God going astray in your heart and do not know God’s ways (Hebrews 3:7-11)
You are not being diligent to enter into the Sabbath rest for the people of God; For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath (Hebrews 4:9-11; Matthew 12:8)
You are not connected to Jesus Christ the One True Vine that brings the fruit of the Spirit (John 15:5Galatians 5:22-23)
You have a proud heart, haughty eyes, are involved with great matters, or things too difficult for you, and have misplaced your hope–you have placed your hope in yourself, other things or people and not in The Lord (Psalm 131)
I can share these Scriptures because these are the ones God has used to slice me open to show me the thoughts and intentions of my heart, to show me when and why I am not resting in the ‘Guardian of my soul’. I am praying we rest in God’s perfect peace on the finished work of the Cross; Not what we do but what’s been done! I rejoice my name is written in the book of life, love has been poured into my heart and I can’t help but mourn for those that do not yet personally know the One True God and Jesus Christ Whom He has sent.
By God’s grace I get to join my Savior in step with His Holy Spirit to be a worker in the harvest ~ that is a worker empowered by His Spirit knowing it is God who works in and through me for His pleasure for He also does not wish that any should perish but that all would come to repentance and enter into His rest.
Yoke yourself to the Lord of Sabbath and you will feel His presence inside and “By Your Side”.
“…the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.” Isaiah 30:18
“Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end.” Hebrews 3:12-14
“So Jesus said to them, ‘Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you’. And when He had said this He breathed on them and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’” John 20:21-22
“Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” John 8:32
This is a letter {stone of remembrance} to my 16-year old self:
Hey you, beautiful young lady—yes I called you beautiful. I see you. I see you hiding in the family pantry contemplating death. I see the wounds you cover up with anger, jealousy, hatred fueled by insecurities and perfectionism. I see your sadness and perpetual feeling of loss from a broken home, not having your mama to raise you. I see your tear stained pillow. I weep with you right now.
My heart groans for your sadness and hurt and how you numb yourself and put on masks trying to be all you can be for everyone. There are so many truths I want to share with you but I only have time for a few:
Stop comparing yourself to others. You know that one girl that you have compared yourself since sixth grade? You know who I’m talking about—you say, ‘she’s everything I am not.’ Stop comparing…you will find out later at graduation day she signs your yearbook saying how much she admires you! Run your own race sweetheart—one day you will learn to keep your eyes fixed on Someone else.
Stop letting your insecurities keep you from loving others. See yourself and others as God sees you; God has gifted each of us differently, celebrate the differences don’t envy others or wish yourself away—someday you will be free to enjoy the Butterflies!
Stop trying to please others and force friendships. Don’t you feel like you’re trying too hard? It only makes you feel rejected and lost when they don’t respond to your friendly smile or notes. God wants you to have friendships too—one day you will learn ‘The Gift and Purpose of Friendship’!
Stop being distracted by the things of this world. Yes, it’s difficult to be a United States Marine Corps ‘base kid’ in a school full of students with wealthy two parent homes. That is one of the reasons you end up throwing yourself into making money…and you do make over $100K before you turn 34 but one day you fall in love and follow Someone very special exchanging worldly rags for glorious riches!
Keep Writing! You have written journals and stories since you were eight years old—don’t stop I enjoy reading them and seeing how God has transformed and made a redeemed life beautiful—I call them stones of remembrances.
Don’t live in fear. I know the near fatal accident of your Daddy when you were five left you living in fear of losing someone you love. I know how you keep a distance from people because you know they will someday leave but sweetie, just let go and love without fear because God will give you the grace to go through any loss.
It is not OK. You learn some hard lessons at an early age. You are trapped by lies and insecurities and allow the first boy that showed attention to you take sacredness from you. He berates and hits you eliminating any confidence you have. My heart hurts to remember this. He has hurt you real bad and you are like a worn timid puppy thinking there is nothing better than this—he tells you that but don’t believe his lies. It will hurt to leave but you must, and you do. You will see God helps you, though you don’t see it that way…at first. You do end up marrying a wonderful man and learn the true purpose of marriage.
Forgive. There is a lot you are holding in your fragile heart poisoning your heart, darkening it, you must forgive. In time, and with Someone’s help, you will.
God is real and He still speaks! You have heard about God and it is evident all around you. You finished your catechism, made your first holy communion when you were eight but this moment you are unsure. You don’t believe there is a God–though inside you wonder if you could be wrong, especially after meeting several ‘different’ teenagers that seem to radiate a Light. But, right now your heart is so hardened and you think if God does exist He really wouldn’t want a worn out sinful teen as yourself—you’ve already messed up in so many ways. But God does want you. He’s drawing you right now. All those people He’s sent into your life telling you the greatness of Who He is—but you run the other way. You make fun of these Christians. But He’s still with you. He’s with you right now. In three years you begin to seek Him hesitantly and in your own terms.
The ultimate Truth is you can’t do anything of these things on your own. In fact it’s not what you know but Who you know that will heal you.
You need a Savior, you need Jesus Christ. Bring your brokenness to Jesus Christ. Sweetie, I know you make fun of Jesus lovers right now but you become one in seventeen years, and it’s the best decision you ever make. You will learn apart from Jesus Christ you can do nothing. You will learn to know God the Father and Jesus Christ IS eternal life. You will learn God’s Spirit must come BEFORE you can produce eternal fruit. You only need to believe on the Lord Jesus, turn from your sins and turn to Him and you will be saved. You cannot earn this GIFT of salvation, it is grace.
I know you are still reeling from receiving that Scholarship from Horatio Alger Association. I also know deep down inside you feel they made a mistake. You feel unworthy. Especially after they flew you to Washington D.C. and you met all of those beautiful intelligent students from across the States—I hear your words, ‘Surely, they made a mistake.’ But they did not. “The lot may be cast into the lap but EVERY DECISION IS FROM THE LORD.” This was another gift of grace from the One that created you.
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!” 2 Corinthians 3:17
But still you will spend many years trying to prove to others you deserved that scholarship. Just like you will spend so many years trying to clean up and ‘be good’ to prove you deserve salvation—but the truth is, you don’t deserve the gift of salvation, none of us do. We all deserve death, but Love came down—God incarnate, Jesus Christ came down and walked among us and died on the cross making the final sacrifice for the sins of everyone—the FINAL sacrifice. It is finished.
Aren’t you tired of trying? Draw near to God through Jesus Christ and you will taste and see the Lord is good and you will see how all this time God has been with you. I know you want to do great things and before you were encouraged to make an ‘investment in America’s future’ but you will do even greater things…you will make an investment in God’s kingdom as you teach your children and sow God’s Word to those around you through your life of worship.
*One more thing…do you remember when your English teacher Mrs. Judi Conroy said, ‘Arcelia, you are beautiful, you are like an enclosed flower that is having a hard time growing but one day Someone would lift it and you will blossom.” Well, that Someone is Jesus Christ! You are free sweet one, your faith has healed you—now go and tell others!
**
This letter was inspired by Emily P.Freeman’s invitation to write a letter to my teenage self, in celebration of the release of her new book, Graceful, for teenage girls.
What would you say to yourself, as a teenager? This was very revealing and encouraging for me to write. I encourage you to do the same–even if you don’t share it with anyone else 😉
“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9
The other day my son and I watched a video clip of several intentional disciples and lovers of Jesus Christ casting their self proclaimed ‘idols’ into a consuming fire. My son immediately cried out:
“I don’t want to throw my Legos into the fire!”
I asked him, “well, do you love your Legos more than God?”
He looked at me strangely and answered flatly, “Of course not!”
I told him, “Well then it doesn’t seem to be an idol. An idol is anything that you love more than God or distracts or keeps you from your fellowship with Him. It is something that becomes a false god and you worship it instead of the One True God.”
I went on to share with my son if he ever does come across an idol in his life he can go to God’s throne of grace to help him get rid of it.
The Hebrew word for idol ‘eliyl means, “of naught, good for nothing, worthless, false god.”
It is worthless because it can’t do anything, it does not bring true peace, joy or comfort that only God can fulfill.
The second commandment tells us we ‘shall not’ make idols and worship them reminding us nothing deserves our worship other than God. I must admit casting down idols does not always come easy for me, but since I have placed my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ I am empowered by Him. John 1:16-17 says:
“For of His (Jesus) fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.”
It is true, I am no longer under the law but grace and I am not condemned in what I eat, drink or do that is not ‘harmful’ to others–I am free in Jesus Christ.
However, I search and destroy idols in my life because I view them as encumbrances in the race of faith I am running. I’m on a journey with Jesus Christ, and as I walk closely with Him, and abide in Him, I love Him more and the things of this world seem to fade away. The times I struggle to unclench the worthless, He gives me the grace to let go. He also teaches me through the convictions of the Holy Spirit what potential encumbrances are in my life threatening to distract me from my first love: Jesus Christ; and my purpose: to glorify God.
I cast down idols not for legalism but for Love.
“Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in Your ways.” Psalm 119:37
This is one such confession I want to keep as a stone of remembrance so I won’t forget:
Along the way I got caught up in high tech communications like the iPhone leaving me feeling disconnected from the One in whom all good fruit flow from. This confusion and lack of peace had to stop!
My husband would jokingly say there must be a button on my car seat that lifts my phone to my ear the moment I sit down. He was right. I was distracted and hardly ever present and instead of prayerfully parenting with grace I saw my children as distractions to conversations I wanted to have. Then by God’s grace, I was convicted and I remembered why I’m here, and the assignment God gave me: to teach His statues diligently to my children all the timeand the commission I have been given: to make disciples of all nations as I am going along.
In order to teach God’s statues they need to be on my heart and I need to be present. The Greek word for ‘abide’ menō is explained as, “to remain, not to depart, to continue to be present.” This is the same word Jesus used in John 15:5 when He said,
To teach my children I must be connected to the One who helps me to do ‘something’ of eternal value. Being present means to rest in Jesus Christ, wait on Him, and be content in the moment, not striving for the next moment to come, but seizing every opportunity to speak life into my children and those around me.
In terms of being a ‘present’ parent, that means being available to listen to the hearts of my children and to sow God’s Word into their hearts as He leads. As He leads…this requires to be prayerfully connected to God in order to know the Words and right moment to speak into their hearts; after all, only He knows the hearts of all men. He knows the words that will sustain my weary ones.
I have spent four years of my sons life and two years of my daughter’s life disconnected from God and from training them in His ways…I do not want to waste another moment, I want to bear much fruit, I want to be a worker in God’s harvest. So one month ago I said:
“Good-bye iPhone, it’s not you, it’s me. I have already replaced you with a ‘track phone’ I nicked named ‘wise phone’ as it helps me count the cost, measuring the minutes, and words bringing to my attention any idle word I make. I desire to be a purposeful, present, prayerful, parent and I cannot do this unless I remain connected to my power source Jesus Christ. I want to live an intentional life of a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must not forget why I am here and iPhone, you distracted me too much…A Dios!”
I lay aside this idol and weight not for legalism but for Love. I desire to be continually connected and present abiding in God’s love through Jesus Christ seeking Him with all my heart. I desire a deeper love with God, enabling me to pour out His love to those around me in the power of His Holy Spirit, all for His glory and honor.
I’m on my knees for us…
**After this stone of remembrance was written in my heart a fellow blogger shared this song “Clear the Stage” and it is one of my favorite songs this moment**
“Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me” (Psalm 131:2)
Have you ever held a nursing child that is hungry? Their mouths open and close like baby birds moving their heads, striving to find the mother’s milk, never stopping or resting until they find it. Have you ever seen a weaned child sleep on her mother’s chest? The child is still, peaceful—just resting, remaining, abiding. What a beautiful picture of what our walk with Jesus Christ can be if we just rest and abide in Him as He tells us in John 15:5. I know this truth, and I want this, but sometimes I am like a nursing child reaching, striving and not resting. Again, struggling because I want to do BIG things for God, I want to ‘go up.’ Then I get a revelation…again.
I am doing BIG things for Him. He has given me the role of a Mother. He has given me instructions and tasks He has for me according to His perfect will. I have the privilege as a Mother to fill my children with His love, making them wholehearted children with undivided hearts completely devoted to Him. I have a calling. I have a mission…and I feel the deep sense of purpose as a Mother as never before. I want to be present, available, flexible, teachable, moldable for God so He can love my children and others through me.
In Judges 13:1-25 God confirms this new conviction He has given me. This is a true story about the parents of Samson, the one who began to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines.
Samson’s Mother was visited by the angel of the LORD and was told she would give birth to a son (even though she was barren).
He gave her instructions: “…be careful not to drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing…and no razor shall come upon his head, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb” (v.4-5)
He gave her a glimpse of the child’s role in God’s purpose/plan: “for the boy shall be a Naziritie to God from the womb; and he shall begin to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines” (v.5)
Her next step…She ‘told her husband’: “Then the woman came and told her husband…” (v.6-7)
Then the husband Manoah prayed: “…O Lord, please let the man of God whom You have sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born.” (v.8)
God hears Manoah and the angel of God came again to the woman! (v.9)
She runs quickly to get her husband because he was not with her when the angel came a second time (v.9-10)
Manoah asks a direct question to the angel: “Now when your words come to pass, what shall be the boy’s mode of life and vocation?”(v.12)
The angel’s response: “Let the woman pay attention to all that I said” (v.13)
My heart ponders the angel’s response to the question “…what shall be the boy’s mode of life and his vocation” the response being:
“Let the woman pay attention to all that I said.”
Wow! Pay attention! Only a woman can carry a child in her womb by God’s grace and be called a Mother. Only a Mother can eat or drink the right things that will impact the growth of the baby in her womb. This is by God’s design and purpose. Pregnancy is a beautiful picture of God working in and through us for His good purpose but it does not end there. In fact, there are plenty of Mothers that have not carried their child in the womb but they must also ‘pay attention’ to all that God has said, making sure she is eating and drinking the right things that will impact the spiritual growth of her child.
All of us Mothers need to be eating ‘every word that comes from the mouth of God’ and making sure our hearts are clean and we are ‘filled with the Spirit not drunk on wine.’ How else could we ‘pay attention?’ Out of the heart the mouth speaks—we have an opportunity everyday to see what is in the hearts of our children if we listen to them…and to the voice of the Holy Spirit.
I want to LISTEN to the desires in the hearts of my children and watch what they are interested in and how God has uniquely designed them. I want to cultivate the garden of their souls, planting His seed in their hearts, pulling the weeds, and planting in every area so something else not of Him does not spring up. By His grace I can do this. By His grace alone, I am learning to be content with the portion He gave me. By His grace I will keep my eyes fixed on Him, the Author and Perfecter of faith.
What an honor to pray my children into His kingdom. To love them into His Kingdom. To help them learn to hear His voice and help them be lights in this world wherever He sends them. What a purpose I have in God’s plan! This realization and revelation causes my soul to rest. I do not desire to be anywhere but where He has me and I consider that His grace. I am thankful I can re-read this post and reflect on this stone of remembrance for those days I ‘forget’ my calling as a Mother.
What about you? Are you resting? Do you see your purpose as a parent in God’s plan to love your children into the kingdom? To listen and pay attention to all He tells you? If you are not a parent yet, are you preparing your heart now by drawing near to the One who will help you raise them?
I’m praying for you dear reader…
“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. (Ephesians 1:18-23)
Altar of Heaven 