Tag Archives: knowing God

October 18, 2012

R.I.P ‘Today’!

By altarofheaven

“Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen” Romans 15:33

Rest In Peace (RIP) is an acronym most often seen on tombstones at cemeteries.  The truth is we don’t have to wait until we are physically dead to rest in peace, we can have rest for our souls in God’s peace ‘Today’! Jesus Christ said:

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”(Matthew 11:28)

Rest is defined, “to cause or permit one to cease from any movement or labour in order to recover and collect his strength; calm, refresh”

If we come to Jesus Christ and walk and learn from Him, we will find rest for our souls! Jesus uses the word picture example of yoking ourselves to Him.  A yoke is “wooden beam used between pair of oxen to enable them to pull together on a load when working in a pair.” Jesus says;

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30)

This rest for our souls is not laziness or stagnation or free from burdens, but rather resting in the finish work of Jesus Christ.

We join Jesus in lovingly plowing and preparing the hearts of others to receive the seed (God’s Word) and working alongside Jesus in the plentiful harvest.

If your souls are not resting in peace there are many possible reasons; here are a few:

“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you…”Acts 3:19-20

  • You have not turned from your ways and to God’s ways and rested in Him (Isaiah 30:15)
  • You are not waiting on the Lord, asking for His path and walking in it (Jeremiah 6:16)
  • You have hardened your heart to the voice of God going astray in your heart and do not know God’s ways (Hebrews 3:7-11)
  • You are being disobedient and unbelieving (Hebrews 3:18-19)
  • You are not being diligent to enter into the Sabbath rest for the people of God; For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath (Hebrews 4:9-11; Matthew 12:8)
  • You are not connected to Jesus Christ the One True Vine that brings the fruit of the Spirit (John 15:5 Galatians 5:22-23)
  • You have a proud heart, haughty eyes, are involved with great matters, or things too difficult for you, and have misplaced your hope–you have placed your hope in yourself, other things or people and not in The Lord (Psalm 131)

I can share these Scriptures because these are the ones God has used to slice me open to show me the thoughts and intentions of my heart, to show me when and why I am not resting in the ‘Guardian of my soul’. I am praying we rest in God’s perfect peace on the finished work of the Cross; Not what we do but what’s been done! I rejoice my name is written in the book of life, love has been poured into my heart and I can’t help but mourn for those that do not yet personally know the One True God and Jesus Christ Whom He has sent.

By God’s grace I get to join my Savior in step with His Holy Spirit to be a worker in the harvest ~ that is a worker empowered by His Spirit knowing it is God who works in and through me for His pleasure for He also does not wish that any should perish but that all would come to repentance and enter into His rest.

Yoke yourself to the Lord of Sabbath and you will feel His presence inside and “By Your Side”.

“…the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.” Isaiah 30:18

“Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God.  But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end.” Hebrews 3:12-14

“So Jesus said to them, ‘Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you’. And when He had said this He breathed on them and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’” John 20:21-22

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September 14, 2012

A Stone Of Remembrance Never Collected…Until Now

By altarofheaven

“Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” John 8:32

 

This is a letter {stone of remembrance} to my 16-year old self:

Hey you, beautiful young lady—yes I called you beautiful.  I see you. I see you hiding in the family pantry contemplating death.  I see the wounds you cover up with anger, jealousy, hatred fueled by insecurities and perfectionism.  I see your sadness and perpetual feeling of loss from a broken home, not having your mama to raise you. I see your tear stained pillow. I weep with you right now.

My heart groans for your sadness and hurt and how you numb yourself and put on masks trying to be all you can be for everyone. There are so many truths I want to share with you but I only have time for a few:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others. You know that one girl that you have compared yourself since sixth grade? You know who I’m talking about—you say, ‘she’s everything I am not.’ Stop comparing…you will find out later at graduation day she signs your yearbook saying how much she admires you! Run your own race sweetheart—one day you will learn to keep your eyes fixed on Someone else.
  • Stop letting your insecurities keep you from loving others. See yourself and others as God sees you; God has gifted each of us differently, celebrate the differences don’t envy others or wish yourself away—someday you will be free to enjoy the Butterflies!
  • Stop trying to please others and force friendships. Don’t you feel like you’re trying too hard? It only makes you feel rejected and lost when they don’t respond to your friendly smile or notes.  God wants you to have friendships too—one day you will learn ‘The Gift and Purpose of Friendship’!
  • Stop being distracted by the things of this world. Yes, it’s difficult to be a United States Marine Corps  ‘base kid’ in a school full of students with wealthy two parent homes. That is one of the reasons you end up throwing yourself into making money…and you do make over $100K before you turn 34 but one day you fall in love and follow Someone very special exchanging worldly rags for glorious riches!
  • Keep Writing! You have written journals and stories since you were eight years old—don’t stop I enjoy reading them and seeing how God has transformed and made a redeemed life beautiful—I call them stones of remembrances.
  • Don’t live in fear. I know the near fatal accident of your Daddy when you were five left you living in fear of losing someone you love.  I know how you keep a distance from people because you know they will someday leave but sweetie, just let go and love without fear because God will give you the grace to go through any loss.
  • It is not OK. You learn some hard lessons at an early age. You are trapped by lies and insecurities and allow the first boy that showed attention to you take sacredness from you.  He berates and hits you eliminating any confidence you have. My heart hurts to remember this. He has hurt you real bad and you are like a worn timid puppy thinking there is nothing better than this—he tells you that but don’t believe his lies. It will hurt to leave but you must, and you do. You will see God helps you, though you don’t see it that way…at first. You do end up marrying a wonderful man and learn the true purpose of marriage.
  • Forgive. There is a lot you are holding in your fragile heart poisoning your heart, darkening it, you must forgive. In time, and with Someone’s help, you will.
  • God is real and He still speaks! You have heard about God and it is evident all around you. You finished your catechism, made your first holy communion when you were eight but this moment you are unsure.  You don’t believe there is a God–though inside you wonder if you could be wrong, especially after meeting several ‘different’ teenagers that seem to radiate a Light. But, right now your heart is so hardened and you think if God does exist He really wouldn’t want a worn out sinful teen as yourself—you’ve already messed up in so many ways.  But God does want you.  He’s drawing you right now.  All those people He’s sent into your life telling you the greatness of Who He is—but  you run the other way.  You make fun of these Christians. But He’s still with you. He’s with you right now. In three years you begin to seek Him hesitantly and in your own terms.
  • Don’t just wear the cross around your neck bear your own.

The ultimate Truth is you can’t do anything of these things on your own.  In fact it’s not what you know but Who you know that will heal you.

You need a Savior, you need Jesus Christ. Bring your brokenness to Jesus Christ. Sweetie, I know you make fun of Jesus lovers right now but you become one in seventeen years, and it’s the best decision you ever make. You will learn apart from Jesus Christ you can do nothing.  You will learn to know God the Father and Jesus Christ IS eternal life.  You will learn God’s Spirit must come BEFORE you can produce eternal fruit. You only need to believe on the Lord Jesus, turn from your sins and turn to Him and you will be saved. You cannot earn this GIFT of salvation, it is grace.

I know you are still reeling from receiving that Scholarship from Horatio Alger Association.  I also know deep down inside you feel they made a mistake.  You feel unworthy.  Especially after they flew you to Washington D.C. and you met all of those beautiful intelligent students from across the States—I hear your words, ‘Surely, they made a mistake.’ But they did not. “The lot may be cast into the lap but EVERY DECISION IS FROM THE LORD.” This was another gift of grace from the One that created you.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!” 2 Corinthians 3:17

But still you will spend many years trying to prove to others you deserved that scholarship.  Just like you will spend so many years trying to clean up and ‘be good’ to prove you deserve salvation—but the truth is, you don’t deserve the gift of salvation, none of us do.  We all deserve death, but Love came down—God incarnate, Jesus Christ came down and walked among us and died on the cross making the final sacrifice for the sins of everyone—the FINAL sacrifice. It is finished.

Aren’t you tired of trying? Draw near to God through Jesus Christ and you will taste and see the Lord is good and you will see how all this time God has been with you.  I know you want to do great things and before you were encouraged to make an ‘investment in America’s future’ but you will do even greater things…you will make an investment in God’s kingdom as you teach your children and sow God’s Word to those around you through your life of worship.

*One more thing…do you remember when your English teacher Mrs. Judi Conroy said, ‘Arcelia, you are beautiful, you are like an enclosed flower that is having a hard time growing but one day Someone would lift it and you will blossom.” Well, that Someone is Jesus Christ! You are free sweet one, your faith has healed you—now go and tell others!

**

This letter was inspired by Emily P.Freeman’s invitation to write a letter to my teenage self, in celebration of the release of her new book, Graceful, for teenage girls.

What would you say to yourself, as a teenager? This was very revealing and encouraging for me to write. I encourage you to do the same–even if you don’t share it with anyone else 😉

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September 2, 2012

Wearing Or Bearing A Cross?

By altarofheaven
This beautiful prayer necklace was given to me by my husband seven years before I "pressed on to maturity" in my relationship with God 

This beautiful prayer wheel cross necklace was given to me by my husband seven years before I “pressed on to maturity” in my relationship with God and began to bear my cross

For over 30 years I would wear a cross around my neck but I would not ‘bear’ my own cross.

All those years the cross was just a piece of jewelry to me. I had said I believed in Jesus Christ but when my faith was tested through trials, it was evident in my actions I trusted in my own self sufficiency and not in God.

I had a shallow superficial faith because I never read the Bible for myself. Even when I did hear God’s Word from others I used His Word as band-aids to my ailments, an emergency self-help kit I took out whenever I was hurting or needed something.

Then one day I met a woman radiating the love of Jesus Christ and she didn’t even wear a cross around her neck! She bears her cross…For weeks I quietly watched her intently as she would deny herself daily and yet be so full of love, joy and thanksgiving even in the midst of hard trials.

I wanted what she had more than any jewelry could offer. I asked God how I can get my own flame and love Him as she did. He told me, and I have never been the same since–that was the day I breathed my last the day I “committed to the cost of following Jesus“, that was the day I BEGAN to bear my own cross.

The Bible teaches us intentional disciples of Jesus Christ are to bear our own crosses not just wear one:

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”(Matthew 16:24)

The word ‘deny’ (aparneomai) means: “to affirm that one has no acquaintance or connection with someone; to forget one’s self, lose sight of one’s self and one’s own interests”

The word ‘take up’ in Greek (airō) means: “to take upon one’s self and carry what has been raised up, to BEAR; to BEAR away what has been raised, carry off”

If we wish to come after Jesus Christ we must ‘lose sight’ of ourselves and BEAR our cross and follow Him.

The day I committed to follow Jesus Christ I put myself on His altar and told Him I would go wherever He would send me, do whatever He would ask of me, and talk to whoever He wanted me to talk to. I began to let go of everything that is of myself and prayed He would increase and I would decrease.

My adventure of walking closely with Jesus Christ is a novel in itself but let me share the very first radical transformation in my life.

Through His Word, God told me to stay home and raise my children. You would have to know me personally to understand why this was a huge test of faith for me.

*I was raised by a single parent Marine Daddy

*I was paralyzed with fear and insecurities to be a mom since I wasn’t raised by mine

*I saw my children less than 15 hours a week and didn’t know what to do with them on the weekends

*I believed the lies that I made a better mom working outside the home especially since my high paying job would help pay for their future tuition

*I was the mom that dropped her children off first and was the last to pick them up {it hurts to admit this but He wants me to}

*I was the biggest persecutor and made fun of stay-at-home moms {and I said I would NEVER stay home}

*I had finished my Masters degree and was making a six-figure salary and absolutely ENJOYED my job

This was a test of my husband’s faith too. When I told Him about my encounter with God and that I felt God calling me to stay home full time my husband’s response was,

“It will never happen. It is impossible.”

It was impossible for us because we had a half-million dollar home, a Harley Davidson, Mini-Van, Truck and over $100K debt. We were the rich young rulers.

To get over my own insecurities, fears and desires was one thing, having the reality of the golden handcuffs of debt was quite another. I started to sink into an area of doubt and asked God why would He change my heart but not my husbands’? I then stopped asking questions and began to be still and serve God while I waited.

I would not forget the deep conviction God gave me. I knew He had asked me to stay home but I didn’t know how it was going to happen. I stood on His Word and chose to trust God.

I look back now and see God was teaching me submissiveness to Him and my husband. I did not nag my husband. I didn’t not bully to get my way {as I used to} but I submitted to God by submitting to my husband.

Instead, I would pray Deuteronmy 6:5 over my husband’s head while he was sleeping. I would pray with my spiritual mentor that my husband would love God with all his heart, mind, soul and strength. Then it happened!!!!

It just took five months from the time I encountered God for my husband to hear from God too! God told my husband through His Word:

“…the righteous will live by faith“

Five months from when my husband heard from God we were moved from the VA/DC area to Alabama and I began my full time ministry of motherhood.

I am empowered by God's Holy Spirit to be a momma to my children for God's glory!

I am empowered by God’s Holy Spirit to be a momma to my children for God’s glory!

I am filled with humility and gratitude when I think of the day I breathed my last breath and was filled with His Spirit. I am humbled when I think about how God was drawing me for so many years even when I had been pushing Him away and denying Him. I smile when I think of my husband’s words when I told him I wanted to leave my job and stay home with the children, “it is impossible”. I smile because I remember what Jesus Christ said of the rich young ruler who wanted to enter the kingdom of heaven:

“…with people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

By God’s grace my husband and I have gone from rags to riches…from our filthy rags to God’s glorious riches!

By God’s grace I am growing in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I am learning, we bear our crosses when we genuinely say Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

And do you know what else I’m learning? We CAN NOT deny ourselves in our strength, we can not believe we have been crucified with Christ in our own strength and we can NOT press on to spiritual maturity unless God permits (Hebrews 6:3), we NEED His help, apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5)! My hope is in Jesus Christ alone, I know I can not hope to change myself or others, He is my all in all!

Yes, for 30 years I just wore a cross.

However, I realize I just ‘wore’ a cross and never bore my cross because the truth is I can’t bear my cross without the grace of God’s Holy Spirit.

It is by God’s Holy Spirit I am equipped to deny myself daily…whether it is leaving a job I enjoy, canceling ‘alone’ time because a friend is in need or pause my writing even at the climax of completion because a child wants a drink of water–His Spirit empowers me to do what He’s asked of me. I have learned the Spirit must come before the fruit.

Let God’s Word examine your hearts, are you bearing the cross or are you just wearing one around your neck? May we press on to maturity!

“For I am confident of this very thing, that HE who began a good work in you will PERFECT it until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6

I am sharing my ‘Hazardous Faith Story’ as part of a synchroblog connected with the release of Ed Cyzewski and Derek Cooper’s new book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus. To discover more about the book and to read other Hazardous stories, click here.

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August 11, 2012

For Love, Not Legalism: Casting Down An iDol

By altarofheaven

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9

 The other day my son and I watched a video clip of several intentional disciples and lovers of Jesus Christ casting their self proclaimed ‘idols’ into a consuming fire. My son immediately cried out:

“I don’t want to throw my Legos into the fire!”

I asked him, “well, do you love your Legos more than God?”

He looked at me strangely and answered flatly, “Of course not!”

I told him, “Well then it doesn’t seem to be an idol. An idol is anything that you love more than God or distracts or keeps you from your fellowship with Him. It is something that becomes a false god and you worship it instead of the One True God.”

I went on to share with my son if he ever does come across an idol in his life he can go to God’s throne of grace to help him get rid of it.

The Hebrew word for idol ‘eliyl  means, “of naught, good for nothing, worthless, false god.”

It is worthless because it can’t do anything, it does not bring true peace, joy or comfort that only God can fulfill.

The second commandment tells us we ‘shall not’ make idols and worship them reminding us nothing deserves our worship other than God.  I must admit casting down idols does not always come easy for me, but since I have placed my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ I am empowered by Him. John 1:16-17 says:

“For of His (Jesus) fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.”

It is true, I am no longer under the law but grace and  I am not condemned in what I eat, drink or do that is not ‘harmful’ to others–I am free in Jesus Christ.

However, I search and destroy idols in my life because I view them as encumbrances in the race of faith I am running. I’m on a journey with Jesus Christ, and as I walk closely with Him, and abide in Him, I love Him more and the things of this world seem to fade away. The times I struggle to unclench the worthless, He gives me the grace to let go. He also teaches me through the convictions of the Holy Spirit what potential encumbrances are in my life threatening to distract me from my first love: Jesus Christ; and my purpose: to glorify God.

I cast down idols not for legalism but for Love.

“Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in Your ways.” Psalm 119:37

This is one such confession I want to keep as a stone of remembrance so I won’t forget:

Along the way I got caught up in high tech communications like the iPhone leaving me feeling disconnected from the One in whom all good fruit flow from. This confusion and lack of peace had to stop!

My husband would jokingly say there must be a button on my car seat that lifts my phone to my ear the moment I sit down.  He was right.  I was distracted and hardly ever present and instead of prayerfully parenting with grace I saw my children as distractions to conversations I wanted to have. Then by God’s grace, I was convicted and I remembered why I’m here, and the assignment God gave me: to teach His statues diligently to my children all the time and the commission I have been given: to make disciples of all nations as I am going along.

In order to teach God’s statues they need to be on my heart and I need to be present. The Greek word for ‘abide’ menō is explained as, “to remain, not to depart, to continue to be present.” This is the same word Jesus used in John 15:5 when He said,

“I am the Vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

I am a conduit, not the source.

To teach my children I must be connected to the One who helps me to do ‘something’ of eternal value. Being present means to rest in Jesus Christ, wait on Him, and be content in the moment, not striving for the next moment to come, but seizing every opportunity to speak life into my children and those around me.

In terms of being a ‘present’ parent, that means being available to listen to the hearts of my children and to sow God’s Word into their hearts as He leads.  As He leads…this requires to be prayerfully connected to God in order to know the Words and right moment to speak into their hearts; after all, only He knows the hearts of all men.  He knows the words that will sustain my weary ones.

I have spent four years of my sons life and two years of my daughter’s life disconnected from God and from training them in His ways…I do not want to waste another moment, I want to bear much fruit, I want to be a worker in God’s harvest.  So one month ago I said:

“Good-bye iPhone, it’s not you, it’s me.  I have already replaced you with a ‘track phone’ I nicked named ‘wise phone’ as it helps me count the cost, measuring the minutes, and words bringing to my attention any idle word I make. I desire to be a purposeful, present, prayerful, parent and I cannot do this unless I remain connected to my power source Jesus Christ. I want to live an intentional life of a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I must not forget why I am here and iPhone, you distracted me too much…A Dios!”

I lay aside this idol and weight not for legalism but for Love. I desire to be continually connected and present abiding in God’s love through Jesus Christ seeking Him with all my heart.  I desire a deeper love with God, enabling me to pour out His love to those around me in the power of His Holy Spirit, all for His glory and honor.

I’m on my knees for us…

**After this stone of remembrance was written in my heart a fellow blogger shared this song “Clear the Stage” and it is one of my favorite songs this moment**

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July 31, 2012

10 + 3 = Redeeming Love

By altarofheaven

“He sent forth His Word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave.” Psalm 107:20


{A big stone of remembrance for my children}

Beloved son and daughter of my vow,

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good for His lovingkindness is everlasting! Today your Daddy and I praise God for the grace and mercy He has bestowed upon our marriage of 13 years for His Namesake.  Even beyond our newlywed years there were many things I didn’t understand about love and marriage and it wasn’t until the summer of 2009 when your Daddy and I became ‘one flesh’ that I began to understand.

That summer God led us to a marriage retreat at Scott River Lodge in Northern California where we went up a mountain as two and came down as one in Jesus Christ.  One of the most memorable moments is when we were baptized as a couple! When we came up from being immersed, your Daddy whispered in my ear:

The moment your Daddy took a stand to lead our family to live by faith.

“God has been talking to me this whole week, and everything we have is not ours; we are just stewards.  It is not our house, it’s not our car, and they are not even our children.  God entrusted everything to us! I am tired of this family investing in the things of the world, we are going to invest in God’s kingdom and it begins now….I want you to stay home full time with the kids so we can disciple them.  I don’t know how it’s going to happen, I don’t know how we will do it financially but the Word God gave me is in Habakkuk 2:4 ‘But the righteous will live by his faith’ and that is what we will do.”

Five months later God moved us to Alabama.

We can see now God was performing His Word in Habakkuk these past three years because we have been given many opportunities to live by our faith and trust in God: an overwhelming amount of debt, a drastic reduction in income, a call to home school, two car wrecks (one nearly fatal), pending foreclosure of a house and unemployment.

Through these trials, testing and discipline your Daddy has led us in praying:

‘Lord may we seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness, may we trust in You and live by faith.’

In these fiery ordeals we continued to lift our hands praising and blessing God and God responded as He said He would! In just three years God has paid our financial debt, is teaching us to be content in all circumstances, is empowering us to disciple you, rescued Daddy and a friend from physical death, helped avoid foreclosure and sell the home, and provided a full time ministry for Daddy!! Today Daddy has a ministry not a ‘career’–as Daddy follows Jesus he has the privilege to ‘feed the homeless’ not just food that perishes but the imperishable food–God’s Word. Daddy is making disciples and is entrusting God’s word to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

We are overwhelmed by God’s grace and mercy. God paid the debt of sin for sending His only Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross in our place and now He has paid our financial debt. And just as God rescued Daddy and his friend from physical death from the car wreck, by God’s grace and peace we have been rescued from spiritual death by the Lord Jesus Christ who gave Himself for our sins.

I am in awe of God! Not just for what He has done, but for Who He is. God is faithful, truthful, compassionate, abounding in lovingkindness, and righteous.

Sweet children, it is so important for you to know your Daddy and I are able to rejoice in 13 years of marriage not because we are perfect and good people—in fact God’s Word, the Bible tells us all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and there is no one good not even one.

We are able to celebrate this day because of the grace of God.  It is God who drew us to Himself and we did not harden our hearts when we heard His voice but fell in love with Him realizing He first loved us.  God’s love and Holy Spirit empowers us to love one another the way He has commanded us to love. Daddy is my closest neighbor and I love Him as myself, and He loves me as Himself.

Our hope is not having a perfect marriage, or a life without trials and pain, but our hope in Christ alone, we know from experience we cannot do this without Him.  We had 10 years of marriage without consulting or seeking God’s kingdom and it was very difficult to love apart from God…we even separated at one time. But God is the wonderful counselor and healer of all.  Just as we are made alive to God in Christ Jesus, so our marriage is alive in Christ Jesus for His purposes. God has made us righteous through faith in Jesus Christ, and that is how we are able to live by faith—to God be the glory!

My spirit can testify how I love Jesus Christ and I have a passion for Him that burns like fire within me, His purposes are my heart’s desire.

I love your Daddy too.  I love your Daddy more this moment then ever in my entire life. What I’m realizing is the more God continues to conform Daddy and I into the image of Jesus Christ my love for your Daddy grows because it is Jesus Christ in Him that unites us as One just as Jesus prayed, enabling me to love ‘my neighbor as myself.’ God’s banner of love abides over us and our lips shout for joy singing praises to God!

I must sow what I know in the hearts He’s entrusted me–yours…these are just a few things about love and marriage He continues to teach me:

Children of my vow, I pray for the day God will claim you as His own and you will enter into a covenant with Him–the the One True God.  I pray this not so you can have a wife or husband, or a ‘good life’ but so You will know Him for yourselves and You will serve Him and seek first His kingdom and righteousness all the days He ordains for you. I love you both.

Love your mama

**Psalm 103 is our 2012 anniversary song**

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June 23, 2012

Incredible Hulk or Incredible Walk?

By altarofheaven

“…walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh” Galatians 5:16

One day as I watched my son play with the Incredible Hulk action figure, I asked myself:

“Are my kids seeing the incredible hulk or an incredible walk?”

When I was a little girl I was nicknamed ‘little hulk’ because anytime I would get angry I would get a stiff neck, clench my fists, shake and growl.  Instead of turning green I would turn red. My sisters would give a warning to those around, “watch out here comes the incredible hulk!”  My sisters and I look back and laugh at those days…the days I was a strong willed child and did not submit easily.

Today I am not that child, and behavior like that is inexcusable because I have been reborn and I am spiritually alive! The day I submitted to God He gave me a new heart and put His Holy Spirit in me and tells me the way to walk.  I want to be a witness for God and pray my children remember an incredible walk with God, not the ‘incredible hulk’ in me.

This is easier said than done because I still struggle with my flesh…my pride and own selfish desires and expectations, but the more I seek God the more He equips me to identify the signs of when the ‘hulk’ in me is coming out. When my neck is stiff, heart races, hands begin to clench and my voice changes I know it’s time for me to step away and be alone with my Heavenly Father.  I fall on my face and cry out to my Abba for help, asking Him for the grace to walk by His Spirit and to obey Him.  He ALWAYS helps when I am not stiff necked and humble myself–ALWAYS. It’s up to me whether I unclench my hands to receive His grace or not.

God’s Word washes over my heart and reminds me I have already been set free:

“…you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.  But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.  If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.  But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.  So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” Romans 8:9-14

I am a daughter of God.  I am made holy by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I am not in the flesh because the Spirit of God dwells in me.  I am to walk by the Holy Spirit because He lives in me! This is a disciplined life, a life of a disciple of Jesus Christ, one who walks with Him.

Today my children are learning through me what it means to walk by the Spirit.  They are learning the Spirit must come before the “fruit.” We are learning together the ‘incredible walk’ is not a perfect walk but a walk of humility, discipline and faith.  I tell them, “Mommy feels the hulk coming on, I’m going to go pray and be alone with God, I’ll be right back.”  They understand.  I pray one day they will be blessed with the spiritual understanding and knowledge only God can provide.

I am praying for you reader.  If you are still in full bondage of being a hulk I pray God shows you His power and love of what He has done by sending Jesus Christ as an offering for sin, condemning sin in the flesh.

For those that are already children of God, my brethren I pray these Scriptures for us:

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh” Galatians 5:16

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” Galatians 5:25

“If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. “1 John 1:8-9

*More Bread to feast on: Romans 7 Romans 8; Galatians 5:16-25; 1 Corinthians 13:11

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February 25, 2012

My soul is like a weaned child within me

By altarofheaven

“Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me” (Psalm 131:2)

Have you ever held a nursing child that is hungry? Their mouths open and close like baby birds moving their heads, striving to find the mother’s milk, never stopping or resting until they find it.  Have you ever seen a weaned child sleep on her mother’s chest? The child is still, peaceful—just resting, remaining, abiding. What a beautiful picture of what our walk with Jesus Christ can be if we just rest and abide in Him as He tells us in John 15:5. I know this truth, and I want this, but sometimes I am like a nursing child reaching, striving and not resting.  Again, struggling because I want to do BIG things for God, I want to ‘go up.’  Then I get a revelation…again.

I am doing BIG things for Him.  He has given me the role of a Mother.  He has given me instructions and tasks He has for me according to His perfect will.  I have the privilege as a Mother to fill my children with His love, making them wholehearted children with undivided hearts completely devoted to Him.  I have a calling. I have a mission…and I feel the deep sense of purpose as a Mother as never before.  I want to be present, available, flexible, teachable, moldable for God so He can love my children and others through me. 

In Judges 13:1-25 God confirms this new conviction He has given me. This is a true story about the parents of Samson, the one who began to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines. 

Samson’s Mother was visited by the angel of the LORD and was told she would give birth to a son (even though she was barren). 

  • He gave her instructions: “…be careful not to drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing…and no razor shall come upon his head, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb” (v.4-5)
  • He gave her a glimpse of the child’s role in God’s purpose/plan: “for the boy shall be a Naziritie to God from the womb; and he shall begin to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines” (v.5)
  • Her next step…She ‘told her husband’: “Then the woman came and told her husband…” (v.6-7)
  • Then the husband Manoah prayed: “…O Lord, please let the man of God whom You have sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born.” (v.8)
  • God hears Manoah and the angel of God came again to the woman! (v.9)
  • She runs quickly to get her husband because he was not with her when the angel came a second time (v.9-10)
  • Manoah asks a direct question to the angel: “Now when your words come to pass, what shall be the boy’s mode of life and vocation?”(v.12)
  • The angel’s response: “Let the woman pay attention to all that I said” (v.13)
My heart ponders the angel’s response to the question “…what shall be the boy’s mode of life and his vocation” the response being:

“Let the woman pay attention to all that I said.”

Wow!  Pay attention! Only a woman can carry a child in her womb by God’s grace and be called a Mother. Only a Mother can eat or drink the right things that will impact the growth of the baby in her womb.  This is by God’s design and purpose.  Pregnancy is a beautiful picture of God working in and through us for His good purpose but it does not end there.  In fact, there are plenty of Mothers that have not carried their child in the womb but they must also ‘pay attention’ to all that God has said, making sure she is eating and drinking the right things that will impact the spiritual growth of her child.

All of us Mothers need to be eating ‘every word that comes from the mouth of God’ and making sure our hearts are clean and we are ‘filled with the Spirit not drunk on wine.’ How else could we ‘pay attention?’ Out of the heart the mouth speaks—we have an opportunity everyday to see what is in the hearts of our children if we listen to them…and to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

I want to LISTEN to the desires in the hearts of my children and watch what they are interested in and how God has uniquely designed them.  I want to cultivate the garden of their souls, planting His seed in their hearts, pulling the weeds, and planting in every area so something else not of Him does not spring up.  By His grace I can do this. By His grace alone, I am learning to be content with the portion He gave me. By His grace I will keep my eyes fixed on Him, the Author and Perfecter of faith. 

What an honor to pray my children into His kingdom.  To love them into His Kingdom.  To help them learn to hear His voice and help them be lights in this world wherever He sends them. What a purpose I have in God’s plan! This realization and revelation causes my soul to rest. I do not desire to be anywhere but where He has me and I consider that His grace. I am thankful I can re-read this post and reflect on this stone of remembrance for those days I ‘forget’ my calling as a Mother.

What about you? Are you resting? Do you see your purpose as a parent in God’s plan to love your children into the kingdom? To listen and pay attention to all He tells you?  If you are not a parent yet, are you preparing your heart now by drawing near to the One who will help you raise them?

I’m praying for you dear reader…

“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. (Ephesians 1:18-23)

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February 11, 2012

Christianity is not about doing, it’s a state of being.

By altarofheaven

Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Which came first: the fruit or the Spirit?

I used to have a lot of artificial fruit.  What does artificial fruit look like? Well, let’s just say I ‘faked’ Christianity, I acted the way I thought a Christian would act.  Let me give you an illustration…

When I was 16 years old I received a scholarship from the Horatio Alger Association.  To me, it wasn’t just a scholarship; it was the beginning of a relationship.  These people who didn’t even know me invested in my future education and took me to Washington D.C. for a few days, introduced me to a lot of entrepreneurs, and told me how much they believed in me. The sad part is no matter how much they believed in me or encouraged me, I did not think I deserved this scholarship and it was hard for me to accept it. In fact I didn’t even use it for 7 years! Why? Because for those 7 years I tried my hardest to ‘earn’ that scholarship, believing I did not deserve it. This is exactly what I did with my salvation.

I was told by a number of God’s messengers:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” John 3:16-17

OK. God loves me.  He gave His Son Jesus as a sacrifice to pay for my sins and now I can have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. A gift! In 1996, I ‘accepted’ this free gift but for 13 years I did not act like I’ve accepted it as ‘free.’ Instead, I did everything in my own strength and I tried to earn my salvation, revealing my lack of faith.

I tried to be a good Christian by being nice to people, changing what I say, I tried to stop drinking, I began to serve, and listen to Christian music…always talking the talk but not walking the walk—not walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Then in 2008 I began to read the Bible and on February 12, 2009 I surrendered. I stopped doing and started being.

Here are a just few things I’ve learned along the way:

“So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. (Matthew 7:17-20)

I produced bad artificial fruit for so long to try to earn my salvation, to deserve it.  It is true, I don’t deserve it, none of us do. It is by grace through faith I have been saved, not of myself…not what I’ve done or haven’t done, it is a gift of God. I am no longer blinded and now I see!

Do you see? Do you see the Spirit must come before the fruit?

Are you tired of powerless religion? By ‘power’ I mean walking in your strength and not in the power of the Holy Spirit?  I pray you draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Thanks for reading but please don’t take my commentary for it…read the Bible and interact with God for yourself you will taste and see that He is good!

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January 28, 2012

A vow made. A vow kept.

By altarofheaven

A vow made...

Imagine taking a trip to offer a sacrifice and pay vows to the Lord your God–a trip you took every year and one day you don’t go…that is what a woman named Hannah did:

“Then Elkanah went up with all his household to offer to the LORD the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, ‘I will not go up until the child is weaned; then I will bring him that he may appear before the LORD and stay there forever.’” 1 Samuel 1:21-22

Why did she stay back? Hannah had remembered her vow to God.  She had a deep sense of commitment to remain back to begin to honor the vow she took, to fulfill her role, and to do the task at hand—feed her baby the milk God supplied…and she would not go up until her son was weaned.

As a mother I read this and so many convictions and areas needing refinement in me are exposed.

Before I was a surrendered Christian yielded to the Holy Spirit, and before my new undivided heart I was divided and pulled many directions…always feeling the draw to “go” to a different type of “up.” For me, it was “up” the ladder of what the world would call ‘success.’ In the minds of many, I had “made it” and even after having my children I had been encouraged to keep going “up.” What was my encouragement, my treasure? Money, accolades, pride, selfishness, pleasing man, the desires of the world. I thought if I “go up” by the world’s standards I would give my children a better life.

Our first born son...

Now that I am a committed Christian wife and mommy I STILL feel the pull and temptation to “go up” where others may go. This time the “go up” is about serving God. Today the many things that pull or tempt me to “go up” include: the feeling of missing out, wanting to be involved, selfishness, pleasing others, and pride (yup that’s still there).

I struggle a lot with a different sense of “missing out.” Instead of missing out on what the world offers I struggle with missing out on the impact I can do for God if I’m not involved in all these different ministries–I can fall into the trap of trying to make an impact for God’s kingdom in my own strength, forgetting it is He who works in me both to will and to work for His good pleasure, and forgetting the vow I took as a child of God, wife and mommy.

Then I read about Hannah.  A committed woman…to God, to her husband, and to her son.  A woman who has not forgotten her vow but fulfills it.  Only until her son was weaned would she go up…and not only would she go up but she would give God a huge sacrifice: her first born son.  She did not sacrifice him by death but by His life—dedicating him to God causing her to see her son only once a year.  This was a son she wanted but could never have because of a closed womb.  A son she wept bitterly for as she spoke to God in her heart and poured out her soul before the LORD asking God to remember her.  She made a vow she would give her child to the LORD “all the days of his life…” When it was time to fulfill that vow she does not give begrudgingly but praises God and gives to Him from a heart of gratitude!

Praying we keep the vow to raise our children to love God...

I can remember asking God for a child. He remembered me. I have been given three (one is with Him). Today I give my children a different type of milk–the purity of His Word.  My husband and I have dedicated our children to God, remembering they are gifts from Him…there will be a day when they will be weaned, and begin to eat solid food—by His mercy and grace they will grow by His daily Bread; By His mercy and grace they will begin to feed themselves and live by every Word out of the mouth of God.

I pray I don’t give in to the temptation to “go up” or anywhere for that matter, until they are weaned…until God directs me.

God remembered me. I pray I always remember Him, and fulfill the vow I made to raise my children to love and know Him. I pray, I’ll always remember, they are God’s little lambs and my husband and I are stewards and shepherds following the direction of the Great Shepherd.

I pray I never forget the reason none of us have to take a ‘yearly’ trip to make a sacrifice for our sins because: It. Is. Finished. Jesus has died on the cross for our sins and has made the final sacrifice (*Hebrews 10:10-14). And that’s not all…Jesus rose from the dead on the third day and is alive, and today His Spirit lives in me helping me to keep the vow I took as a child of God, wife, and mother.

Whether your children are from your womb, adopted, or foster you too probably prayed to God for these precious gifts we call children.  I pray we have thankful hearts bringing them before the Lord daily.  I pray they will stay with God loving and worshiping Him forever.

*Don’t take my commentary for it~Be blessed and feed yourself by reading 1 Samuel 1:1-28; 1 Samuel 2:1-21 tell me what God shows you…

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January 19, 2012

Begin with the ‘End’ in mind…

By altarofheaven

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him." Lamentations 3:24-25

I just finished reading Ecclesiastes! It took me three months to read those 12 chapters because I felt the Lord impress upon me to read it again and this time to put the last two verses of the book in context with every other verse.  What are the last two verses?

 “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.  For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

What pops out: Fear God. Keep His commandments. God sees me all the time and will bring every act to judgment.

What I hear God say is this:

  • Fear God: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction” Proverbs 1:7
    • The word knowledge reminds me of what Jesus said about what eternal life is: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3
  • Keep His commandments: Jesus reminds us of the two greatest commandments: “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind’. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40
    • Jesus also said, “If you love me you will keep My commandments.”John 14:15
  • God sees me all the time: “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Hebrews 4:13

I say these truths to myself again:

  • Fear God and He will reveal more of who He is and I will experience a relationship with Him by knowing Him.
  • If I truly do love Him I will keep His commandments.  His commandments can be reduced to two: loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind and love my neighbor.
  • God sees me all the time and will bring every act to judgment.

These are the truths I meditated on all day….

“Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.” Revelation 3:3

Maybe it’s because I was meditating on these Truths that I acted the way I did the other night when our electricity went out. I heard noises outside when all of a sudden the lights in the house went out.  My daughter begins to cry and I say to myself… ‘this is it’ and I go downstairs in the pitch dark grappling around to get my children and gather them upstairs with my husband.

Moments after we get to our room the lights go on and I see my husband’s look of confusion.  He was wondering what I thought the sound was and why I was bringing the children…because it was just a thunderstorm coming….I laugh and smile.

Later I told Him I didn’t know if it was a thief trying to break in or Jesus coming like a ‘thief in the night’ but either way, if at all possible I wanted our family to be together.  If it was a thief, then as a family we will share the gospel with the thief and trust in the Lord Jesus to protect us. And if it was the King of Glory coming down I was hoping we could go together.

I try to begin with the End in mind daily…Jesus Christ is the Beginning and the End.

I am expectedly waiting for my Savior Jesus Christ to return, I have this deep sense of urgency to tell others about Him.

The sweet lambs God entrusted us to impress His commandments

As a mother I have a deep sense of urgency to “impress” His commandments on their hearts not just so they can join my husband and I in heaven but so they too can KNOW Jesus and experience eternal life now and receive the power of the Holy Spirit to be His witnesses with urgency to tell others…my prayer is that He will draw them and they will accomplish what they were created to do: to glorify God.

I am praying He will draw you and you will not deny Him but welcome Him and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ you begin with the ‘End’ in mind.

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.” 2 Peter 3:10

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