Author Archives: altarofheaven

About altarofheaven

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My name is arcelia. I love, worship and revere God. Since 2009 I have been enJOYing the peace with God I have through Jesus Christ. I'm learning to listen and respond to His voice through His Word and convictions of the Holy Spirit in this midst of this chaotic and distracting world. I am a broken redeemed healed vessel, joyously drawing water from the Spring of salvation pouring out in God's strength by His Spirit for His glory. "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all." 2 Corinthians 13:14
January 28, 2012

A vow made. A vow kept.

By altarofheaven

A vow made...

Imagine taking a trip to offer a sacrifice and pay vows to the Lord your God–a trip you took every year and one day you don’t go…that is what a woman named Hannah did:

“Then Elkanah went up with all his household to offer to the LORD the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, ‘I will not go up until the child is weaned; then I will bring him that he may appear before the LORD and stay there forever.’” 1 Samuel 1:21-22

Why did she stay back? Hannah had remembered her vow to God.  She had a deep sense of commitment to remain back to begin to honor the vow she took, to fulfill her role, and to do the task at hand—feed her baby the milk God supplied…and she would not go up until her son was weaned.

As a mother I read this and so many convictions and areas needing refinement in me are exposed.

Before I was a surrendered Christian yielded to the Holy Spirit, and before my new undivided heart I was divided and pulled many directions…always feeling the draw to “go” to a different type of “up.” For me, it was “up” the ladder of what the world would call ‘success.’ In the minds of many, I had “made it” and even after having my children I had been encouraged to keep going “up.” What was my encouragement, my treasure? Money, accolades, pride, selfishness, pleasing man, the desires of the world. I thought if I “go up” by the world’s standards I would give my children a better life.

Our first born son...

Now that I am a committed Christian wife and mommy I STILL feel the pull and temptation to “go up” where others may go. This time the “go up” is about serving God. Today the many things that pull or tempt me to “go up” include: the feeling of missing out, wanting to be involved, selfishness, pleasing others, and pride (yup that’s still there).

I struggle a lot with a different sense of “missing out.” Instead of missing out on what the world offers I struggle with missing out on the impact I can do for God if I’m not involved in all these different ministries–I can fall into the trap of trying to make an impact for God’s kingdom in my own strength, forgetting it is He who works in me both to will and to work for His good pleasure, and forgetting the vow I took as a child of God, wife and mommy.

Then I read about Hannah.  A committed woman…to God, to her husband, and to her son.  A woman who has not forgotten her vow but fulfills it.  Only until her son was weaned would she go up…and not only would she go up but she would give God a huge sacrifice: her first born son.  She did not sacrifice him by death but by His life—dedicating him to God causing her to see her son only once a year.  This was a son she wanted but could never have because of a closed womb.  A son she wept bitterly for as she spoke to God in her heart and poured out her soul before the LORD asking God to remember her.  She made a vow she would give her child to the LORD “all the days of his life…” When it was time to fulfill that vow she does not give begrudgingly but praises God and gives to Him from a heart of gratitude!

Praying we keep the vow to raise our children to love God...

I can remember asking God for a child. He remembered me. I have been given three (one is with Him). Today I give my children a different type of milk–the purity of His Word.  My husband and I have dedicated our children to God, remembering they are gifts from Him…there will be a day when they will be weaned, and begin to eat solid food—by His mercy and grace they will grow by His daily Bread; By His mercy and grace they will begin to feed themselves and live by every Word out of the mouth of God.

I pray I don’t give in to the temptation to “go up” or anywhere for that matter, until they are weaned…until God directs me.

God remembered me. I pray I always remember Him, and fulfill the vow I made to raise my children to love and know Him. I pray, I’ll always remember, they are God’s little lambs and my husband and I are stewards and shepherds following the direction of the Great Shepherd.

I pray I never forget the reason none of us have to take a ‘yearly’ trip to make a sacrifice for our sins because: It. Is. Finished. Jesus has died on the cross for our sins and has made the final sacrifice (*Hebrews 10:10-14). And that’s not all…Jesus rose from the dead on the third day and is alive, and today His Spirit lives in me helping me to keep the vow I took as a child of God, wife, and mother.

Whether your children are from your womb, adopted, or foster you too probably prayed to God for these precious gifts we call children.  I pray we have thankful hearts bringing them before the Lord daily.  I pray they will stay with God loving and worshiping Him forever.

*Don’t take my commentary for it~Be blessed and feed yourself by reading 1 Samuel 1:1-28; 1 Samuel 2:1-21 tell me what God shows you…

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January 19, 2012

Begin with the ‘End’ in mind…

By altarofheaven

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him." Lamentations 3:24-25

I just finished reading Ecclesiastes! It took me three months to read those 12 chapters because I felt the Lord impress upon me to read it again and this time to put the last two verses of the book in context with every other verse.  What are the last two verses?

 “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.  For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

What pops out: Fear God. Keep His commandments. God sees me all the time and will bring every act to judgment.

What I hear God say is this:

  • Fear God: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction” Proverbs 1:7
    • The word knowledge reminds me of what Jesus said about what eternal life is: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3
  • Keep His commandments: Jesus reminds us of the two greatest commandments: “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind’. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40
    • Jesus also said, “If you love me you will keep My commandments.”John 14:15
  • God sees me all the time: “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Hebrews 4:13

I say these truths to myself again:

  • Fear God and He will reveal more of who He is and I will experience a relationship with Him by knowing Him.
  • If I truly do love Him I will keep His commandments.  His commandments can be reduced to two: loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind and love my neighbor.
  • God sees me all the time and will bring every act to judgment.

These are the truths I meditated on all day….

“Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.” Revelation 3:3

Maybe it’s because I was meditating on these Truths that I acted the way I did the other night when our electricity went out. I heard noises outside when all of a sudden the lights in the house went out.  My daughter begins to cry and I say to myself… ‘this is it’ and I go downstairs in the pitch dark grappling around to get my children and gather them upstairs with my husband.

Moments after we get to our room the lights go on and I see my husband’s look of confusion.  He was wondering what I thought the sound was and why I was bringing the children…because it was just a thunderstorm coming….I laugh and smile.

Later I told Him I didn’t know if it was a thief trying to break in or Jesus coming like a ‘thief in the night’ but either way, if at all possible I wanted our family to be together.  If it was a thief, then as a family we will share the gospel with the thief and trust in the Lord Jesus to protect us. And if it was the King of Glory coming down I was hoping we could go together.

I try to begin with the End in mind daily…Jesus Christ is the Beginning and the End.

I am expectedly waiting for my Savior Jesus Christ to return, I have this deep sense of urgency to tell others about Him.

The sweet lambs God entrusted us to impress His commandments

As a mother I have a deep sense of urgency to “impress” His commandments on their hearts not just so they can join my husband and I in heaven but so they too can KNOW Jesus and experience eternal life now and receive the power of the Holy Spirit to be His witnesses with urgency to tell others…my prayer is that He will draw them and they will accomplish what they were created to do: to glorify God.

I am praying He will draw you and you will not deny Him but welcome Him and love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ you begin with the ‘End’ in mind.

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.” 2 Peter 3:10

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January 4, 2012

The humble won’t stumble

By altarofheaven

I did it again…I fell into the snare of “self entitlement” and I didn’t even realize it until God showed me what I looked like through my little girl.

My 4-year-old daughter and I went on a ‘date’ but the excitement was crushed by her discontented and ungrateful spirit fueled by her attitude of self entitlement.  She felt she was ‘entitled’ to have many things I could not give her and she had to be disciplined.

When we came home I reflected on her behavior realizing she does not have the Holy Spirit in her to help to her obey, all the more reason I need God’s wisdom and discernment on how to discipline and train her.  Knowing my Father uses all things to sanctify me, to conform me to the image of my Savior Jesus Christ I asked God, “What are you trying to teach me through my daughter? I don’t whine and complain like that…do I?” Then my Father through the conviction of the Holy Spirit shows me:

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45)

The other day when my husband went back to work I had an ‘opportunity’ to serve God by being my husband’s helpmate serving him in love. I stayed in bed. The next day God asked me to get up again—again I stayed in bed.  For one whole week God asks me and I disobeyed.  I chose to sleep instead of serve.

Jesus said to him, "The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." Matthew 8:20

Daily question: Will i sleep or serve?

The following week again God asks me to serve my husband and I begrudgingly rolled off my bed on my face and complained to God. “I am tired. My daughter got up several times last night. I have a cough, I deserve rest”…even as I write this my eyes fill with tears for talking to my Creator so disrespectfully.  Who do I think I am? I am the created not the creator! I get up and I serve my husband, not in love but in obligation and with much resentment.  Even though my husband had no idea, God did. God knows my thoughts and intentions and I was not pleasing to Him at all.  I was being disobedient, sinful, and haughty.

I go to my room and write to God telling Him what He already knows. I tell God I can’t hear His voice and I want the intimacy I usually have with Him. I wondered how could I have this great growth in grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ one year ago, and today this moment be a forgetful hearer?  My loving God responds though James 4:6-10:

“But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”

His living and active Word slices through my pride revealing my thoughts and intentions of the past two weeks and I fall to my face and mourn and weep.  By God’s merciful grace I am sorrowful.

I ‘see’ how this happened, I chose not to “remain” or “abide” in my Jesus Christ—I went away from Him…a slow drifting tide drowning me in deep waters.

I had been exhausted because I had been staying up late doing wasteful things; my time alone with Him seemed to be shorter, I began meditating on the things of this world and not His Word. I took my eyes off of Him and put them on others, and on myself.  I was disobedient and prideful doing things in my own strength, falling into the thorns and snare of “self entitlement” choking the growth of His Word that was sown each day.  I needed to ditch the self entitlement attitude.  I needed to humble myself under the mighty hand of God. I needed to get low and stay there.

After my confession, I receive His forgiveness and cleansing and He knows I am ready to listen and obey Him. He takes me to John 13 where Jesus Christ washes the feet of His disciples.  I read and ask Him questions.

After reading the Bible I listen to a recent sermon from Pastor John Piper titled “For His sake and for your joy go low” I felt like John Piper was talking to me, in fact he even used the word ‘begrudgingly’! His preaching “just so happened” to be out of John 13 and confirmed what God had been teaching me that morning.  I didn’t get to finish listening because God gave me an opportunity to serve, this time my daughter.  After we eat breakfast I grab the Bible to read to my daughter when my 6-year-old son joins us.  Just as I was going to tell them where we would read he interrupts,

“Mommy, can you read John 13:3…it’s good, I haven’t read it”

It didn’t hit me yet, I thought it was cute he was making up verses to read until I open and read…of course it “just so happened” to be the same place I was in alone with God…so what did God have to tell me?

“Jesus, knowing the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God,” John 13:3

  • Jesus knew God the Father had given Him all things
  • Jesus had come forth from God: In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. Jesus ‘came forth’ He was not created. I was created—Jesus was not. He is God.
  • Jesus knew He was going back to God
So Jesus, the Word made flesh, God made flesh, had “come forth” from God.  He always existed, He is the beginning and the end; all things had been given to Him and He knew He would return to God in heaven and how does Jesus act with all this “entitlement”? I see in verse 4
  • …got up from supper;
  • …laid aside His garments;
  • …and taking a towel, He girded Himself…

Why?

“..to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded” (v5)

He humbled Himself.

Like many times before, my loving Father used my children to show me what I looked like but also He used them to wash my feet with His Word. I am so thankful.

The humble won’t stumble because they will already be on their face fully surrendered.  The days I literally humble myself and roll off the bed on my face to worship the Lord and surrender my agenda, telling Him as I told Him the first day of my walk, “I will serve you Lord, I will pick up my cross and follow you”—those are the days I hear Him.  Those are the days I listen and obey Him.

The days I stand up and forget to acknowledge Him I stumble and fall.  I say acknowledge Him because He is always there…as I read earlier journal entries before this fall I see God had warned me through my daily readings of His Word:

 “Do not love sleep or you will become poor. Open your eyes and you will be satisfied with food.”
Proverbs 20:13

 “…he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” 2 Corinthians 9:6-7

“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come forth from the presence of the Lord”           Acts 3:19

One more thing that ‘just so happened’…the day my daughter and I were on our ‘date’ she asked to buy a book, you’ll never guess which one:

Jesus washes Peter’s feet from John 13

I’m so thankful to know the true living God.  I’m thankful to know He speaks through His Word (the Bible), people (even little ones like my children), and circumstances and there are no such things as “just so happen” or “coincidences” because every decision is from the Lord.

Thank you Lord for washing my feet with your Word, cleansing my filthy sin and unrighteousness.  Thank you God that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Help me to remain in Christ Jesus always walking according to Your Spirit. Thank you for loving me so much to refine and discipline me and bring me back to my first Love.  Help me to deny myself. Die to self. Take up my cross and follow Jesus’ I ask in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

I am praying Philippians 2:5-8 for you and I…

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Philippians 2:5-8:

 

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December 23, 2011

Teachable moment on God’s Love

By altarofheaven
My journal entry dated Summer 2010
 
 
The other day we were at a friend’s house when my 3-year-old little girl tried to play with two other older girls, but they closed the door and didn’t let her in.  My daughter came running to me with tears in her eyes saying, “Mommy they won’t share and they don’t want to play with me…” I must admit I am ashamed of my immediate reaction which was of my natural flesh fueled by hurt and sadness for my daughter.  I know what it’s like to see cliques of people enjoying each others’ company and not welcoming you to join them.  Unfortunately I have plenty of journal entries crying out to God about this hurt and rejection…it is from this hurt I initially responded:
 

I whispered in her ear, “Its OK we will go to the pool later and play with two other little girls.”

 
 

Instead of giving my daughter the ‘Bread of Life’ I gave her the dust of the world leaving her heart empty of God’s Word and thirsty for His Holy Spirit.  I took an easy road, giving her an opportunity to put her hope and happiness in a person or circumstance and not in Jesus Christ.  My daughter then said to the two girls, in a very bragging (unloving) tone, “We’re going to the pool and you can’t come!”  Only then was I convicted and repented and sought God’s forgiveness for not ‘diligently teaching’ her His Word.  After this confession and cleansing, I allowed myself to listen and obey the voice of the Holy Spirit…“He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.” Proverbs 17:9

 
 

The brown eyes I must diligently teach about Him

I bent down on my knees, looked into her big brown eyes and told her, “God loves you, and God loves those little girls who hurt your feelings.” I asked her a question.  “What are the two greatest commandments?” And her little voice replied with hand gestures to go with each word, “love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.”  Yes! My next step as her mother was to teach her ‘How’?  How can you love someone when they hurt you? How Mommy?

 

 I told her we can pray right now and ask God to give us the grace to forgive them and to love them.  We prayed right there, we prayed for the little girls that hurt her, and we prayed for ourselves…we prayed Matthew 22:37-39 and we asked for God’s grace to forgive and love the Way He commanded us to love. After prayer, my daughter immediately changed her behavior and invited them to the pool.  Before we left, one of the little girls asked me, “You’re already teaching her Scripture?  But she’s so little…”  I smiled and told her,

“Even infants in their Mommy’s tummy are at the perfect age to learn about God’s love!  Yes, my daughter like you IS little and Jesus says, in Matthew 19:14 ‘let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’

 Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts, anyone around children meditate on this:

“…the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Wow! God gave us an example through children to show us what heirs of the kingdom of heaven can look like!  Also, what a responsibility not to hinder them from coming to Jesus! Those little eyes are watching us.  They are watching to see if we ‘do’ what we teach them.  Consider our Great Teacher, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ–what did He do?  He humbled Himself…He even washed the feet of the disciples….all 12 of them!  Yes, even Judas Iscariot, the one He knew that was going to betray Him.  When Jesus had finished washing their feet He asked:

 

“Do you understand what I have done for you?”

You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”

John 13:12-17

 

Jesus washes His Disciples' feet...so should we

If my Lord and Savior, the Son of God can humble Himself and wash the feet of someone He knew was going to betray Him (Judas) and those that would deny Him (the rest of the disciples), who am I to not humble myself to love those who hurt me? My actions will show whether or not I truly ‘understand’ what Jesus has done for me.  My little children are His lambs.  I’ve been entrusted to teach them His Word diligently by reading the Bible to them and showing them how to walk His truth out.  I am thankful His Holy Spirit helps me to teach my children by bringing to remembrance His Word every teachable moment opportunity! I’m so thankful that I listened and obeyed….this time.

Father, help us to seize each moment to teach children diligently about Your commandments and the Way (Jesus) to obey Your commandments through the power of Your Holy Spirit.  Thank you for this opportunity to teach and relearn about love and forgiveness.

 
 

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

1 John 4:7-11

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December 9, 2011

Growing in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

By altarofheaven

It was November 26, 2010, the day after Thanksgiving. The day I received a phone call that would change my life forever.  It was the phone call I’ve always dreaded I would receive, and yet the one I always expected. Let me explain…

When I was 5 my Daddy was in a terrible car accident and was pronounced dead.  Later we were told he was alive again and the doctors said he would make it.  Days into his recovery I went with my grandparents to see the car, and I did the only thing my 5 year old self could do to express how I felt…I threw up.

From that day forward I lived in fear that I would lose someone close to me in a car accident.  When I was 19 I did. It was a close friend that I considered a brother; he was hit head-on by a drunk driver and killed.  My fear grew stronger by the time I was married with kids. Whenever I was without my family and I would hear sirens, my heart would race and I was sure they were dead.  I lived in such a strong bondage of fear that I would do what my husband called, ‘psycho’ dialing, calling him until I got an answer…even if it took 20 times.  When I ‘surrendered’ my life to Jesus Christ and became a Christian I still burdened myself with fear, even when I was supposedly ‘trusting in the Lord’ I showed that I lacked faith and “something” more.

But then it happened, and it was ‘game day’.

 “Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

My children and I were relaxing at home; my husband and his friend were coming back from a football game and I had just spoken to him 20 minutes before when the phone rang again.  It was another man’s voice and I immediately knew what he was about to tell me:

“Is this the wife of…” His voice trailed off, my heart raced and I quickly glanced at my 5 year old son watching a dinosaur DVD.  I replied calmly, “Yes, please just tell me what happened, did he get into an accident?” “Ma’am, your husband and his friend were in a serious head-on collision, please remain calm”. I told myself, ‘This is it. This is ‘game day’—a day my faith is tested’.  I had just studied the book of James and the Holy Spirit reminded me James 1:2-4, so I quickly humbled myself under the mighty hand of God and hid in Jesus Christ and asked my next question, “Are they OK?” Pause.

“Uh, Ma’am I don’t know, they can’t move they are pinned into the car; but your husband wants to talk to you…” I exhale, emptying myself and take a deep breath believing it is God’s breath, His Spirit filling me…overflowing.  The next voice I hear was my beloved groom, crushed, soft, weak, in pain. I fall to my knees as he says, “Babe, I need you to pray, I’m hurt real bad.  It doesn’t look good babe, not good at all, I can’t breathe. I love you. Please pray.”

‘Yes, OK, OK, OK, God is good, God is good, God is good’ was all I could say.  Then I said I understand.  I did understand.  I understood this was us saying our good-byes; I shot another glance at my son who was oblivious to what was going on, and I thought about going into another room to pray but I realized this too was a teachable moment for him…’this is how we handle trials my dear beloved son…we humble ourselves, we praise our Creator and go to His throne of grace and ask for what we need to accept His sovereign will.’ I opened my mouth and began clinging to God’s Truth. Word. Jesus. Beginning with:

“You are good God, no matter what. You are sovereign, you are above all things, You are Holy, there is none like You.  You are our creator, help us to pray for we are weak and we do not know how we ought to pray and we have groans too deep for words and we know you will use this trial for good to those who are called according to your purposes and we KNOW we are called, so we humble ourselves before you now. I pray what my groom prayed this morning that we would walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have given us and that we would be lights in this world, even now in distress, even now as my husband and friend are crushed in that car, help them to praise you that others would be drawn to you. We pray for all involved in the accident, may your will be done….”

Then my groom had to go…his voice disappeared after he said I love you.  I got up from my knees feeling surreal, like I was in a nightmare and gazed at my 5 year old son remembering what it was like to be 5 in a similar trial, and what I allowed it to do to me—put me in the bondage of fear. I asked God, “How do I tell him his Daddy is dead?”  God’s Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, “Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34).  No kidding. We certainly DID have trouble this day.  It was that moment I had a revelation; a deeper understanding of Matthew 6:34.  I also understood why it was so important to have God’s Word hidden in my heart, so that “I might not sin against” Him.  I understood I was NOT alone because the Helper, God’s Holy Spirit who lives inside me was teaching me during this trial as He does every day.  The Holy Spirit was bringing to my remembrance all that Jesus had said.  Talk about being on the ‘A’ Team (“Almighty”)—I have God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit with me, IN me…I was going to be OK no matter what happened.

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” Hebrews 4:16

Still, I needed reassurance from God, so I went into my secret place, drew near to His throne of grace again, and had a garden of Gethsemane moment of prayer…Lord if possible, let this cup pass from me, but not my will but Your will be done, help me to die to self and align to Your will.

I have grown in my love for God so intensely within the past year, all the while knowing this love I have is a gift from Him…so that night my biggest concern was no longer losing my husband but losing my love for God; I was afraid I would harden my heart with anger if our Creator chose to take my husband.  I asked God to keep my heart soft and to help me say like Job, “You give and take away, but blessed be the name of the Lord.” I prayed and cried out to the Lord telling Him I always need Him but I needed Him more than ever this moment.  I knew my Savior Jesus Christ was on the mercy seat at the right hand of God interceding.  I told God I trust Him with all my heart and I don’t have understanding to lean on anyway, and I needed Him to provide a straight path, direct my steps, and Light the Way.  I asked in the name of Jesus Christ, I asked in faith knowing God heard me. I felt like I understood the surrender Abraham experienced putting his son on the altar…I put my loving beloved groom of 11 years on the altar, giving him to the rightful Owner of all.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

After praying I was no longer anxious and I had an indescribable peace. It was as if I was being lifted…I realize now the burden of fear was lifted.  My heart and my mind were guarded in Christ Jesus, nothing coming in, nothing going out.  I was able to get up from my knees and listen for the next command to obey.

“…’My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

As God ordered my steps I received His grace for every action…put the children to bed, read them a story and sing them a hymn…nothing changes keep their routine. Kiss them good-bye tell them you will be back. Tell them you love them. Pack a bag for yourself.  Pack a bag for my groom too? But why? He’s dead, isn’t he? I began to get weak as I grab my husband’s shirt and smell his scent…I cry. I see a piece of paper with a prayer card I pulled out that afternoon…a love note from my groom when we first moved to ‘sweet home Alabama’ it read:

I weep and groan. I wasn’t anxious…I was sad, but I tell my Creator, my Father, and He already knows. Then I receive God’s grace, remembering my groom understood, just as I do…we are ‘created for God by God’ for His purposes not our own.  I would be OK with what would happen because I have hope and faith! Not hope that my husband won’t die, but my hope is in the Lord—Jesus is my all in all!  And faith…my faith is in God’s Word.  I believe Galatians 2:20 to be true of myself:

 “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” 

So I receive the grace and take another step in Christ Jesus. I grab my Bible and shove a scripture verse in my pocket without reading…a piece of Bread for later. It was a four hour drive to the hospital.  Four hours of worshiping and praising the Lord with my neighbor, now my new kindred friend…united and bonded closer through this trial—just as our grooms were bonding at the crash site.  She drives as we both sing “Our God is Greater” and “Lord You are good” a CD of worship music my church choir sings that she just so happened to have in her CD player for such a time as this. It was four hours of praising, praying, sharing, and resting in Him.

“The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

http://www.nathangreene.com/about_the_artist_rewards

We arrive in the ICU waiting room and meet up with some of the saints God mobilized, saints from our Church…the Body of Christ.  Again I tell God I love Him no matter what happens, and I rejoice that my heart is still…quiet…peaceful.  Another hour of surgery then I see my groom for the first time since my new knowledge of God and I begin to sing the Scripture song making melody in my heart; a song from a children’s ‘seeds worship’ CD: Zephaniah 3:17.  I sing over his broken and bruised body and try to take inventory: four broken ribs, lacerated liver, contusion to the lungs, shattered femur, lacerated knee, dislocated heel bone, broken ankle, and a broken toe…and praise God!

Praise Him, He is mighty to save! First and foremost God is mighty to save us all by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins so we can go to the throne of grace with confidence clothed in the righteousness of Christ even though in the flesh I’m so filthy and I don’t deserve to be so close to God…but still God loves me. God loves you.  He loves us so much that He sent His son to die on the cross for our sin, reconciling us to Himself…that He could hear us in our time of need.  And He didn’t stop there.  Once I believed, He gave me a new heart and Spirit and His Holy Spirit now lives inside me!  My body is His temple; His Holy Spirit comforts me and walks me through each moment of my life to include when I’m in distress, reminding me of God’s truth, just as He did that November night! Oh praise Him all creation, praise Him: God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit!

Praise God that He saved us from our sins…but then that He would save my husband and our friend from this horrific car wreck and allow them to stay with us here on earth—I was filled with so much joy and gratitude I thought I would pop!  As I sat in the ICU room staring at my beloved groom’s broken body I sang Jeremy Riddle’s “Sweetly Broken” to my Heavenly Father, remembering the first time He drew me to Himself and I was thankful.  Then I remembered I had a piece of ‘Bread’ in my pocket….I read it Psalm 50:15 and I burst into tears of gratitude again.  I understood.  I knew my husband and his friend were saved to honor God—for His name’s sake.  That is true of our spiritual salvation and now I saw it to be true of their physical salvation. I prayed both my husband and friend would understand, I prayed they would not be bitter or upset with the other driver or God because of the accident.  My husband was silent for a few days but our friend immediately told me the events of that night.

They were driving back from the football game on a two lane road when a Toyota 4-Runner crossed over into their lane and hit their small Honda Civic head-on.  The Toyota was on top, crushing them and they grabbed hands and called out to the Lord and prayed….I jumped up and cried with excitement and shared Psalm 50:15 with him, and when my husband began to talk I realized quickly that he understood.  He already understood, his life is not his own and to get another chance…wow! The grace, the mercy, the kindness of God—yes for His name’s sake but we get to enjoy the service to Him.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

There are so many lessons I learned that night…so many revelations of who My Abba is but this moment, what I want to share is the lesson of grace.  I see the ‘something’ I ‘lacked’ was receiving God’s grace! That night I was changed forever because the bondage of fear and anxiety, the fear of losing someone was ‘lifted’…the Truth set me free!  For 30 years I had lived in the bondage of fear, and now I do not because one of my ‘worst nightmares’ happened, and I don’t have to ‘wonder’ or put ‘worst case scenarios’ in my mind because now I know personally what will happen: God will give me the grace to get through whatever trials the day reveals from losing a loved one, to raising a newborn.  I just need to receive his grace; pray, ask, seek, receive…let my requests be made known to Him, remember Jesus Christ lives in me.

 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Today when I hear sirens, I am no longer anxious but sometimes my heart still races…I discern what I am called to do—pray.  I pray for the person in the trial and for their families, realizing that they are having an encounter with God.  I pray they will humble themselves before the Almighty One knowing He gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud.  I pray they open their hands and receive the gift of salvation which is given by grace through faith, and if they know Him they will “grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ”.

 

This family photo was taken before we moved to Alabama—10 months before the accident.  When I created this photo card my husband and I each chose a verse…I chose: “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (Deuteronomy 6:5) and my husband chose Lamentations 3:24: “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him”. We were tested in those Scriptures that night, and by His grace and faithfulness, we came “forth as gold” (Job 23:10).

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” Lamentations 3:23-24

Do you realize God’s grace and mercies are new each morning, and it’s there for the taking, we just need to ask?  I am thankful for God’s Word, for how He loves me and reveals Himself to me and tests me making sure I do not lack a thing…not even grace.  What about you? Have you received the gift of salvation that comes by His grace through faith?  If you are a Christian are you still receiving His daily grace and are you growing in His grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ? If you are a Christian everyday is game day, every day is a chance to be tested so that we will not lack a thing…so grab the grace and let’s go!

I am praying for all who read this.  I pray God continues to draw you to Himself.  I pray you have received the gift of salvation by God’s grace through faith and that you “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen” (2 Peter 3:18)

“This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3

*Our God is mighty to Save*

16 Comments | posted in Stones of Remembrance

November 29, 2011

Do you KNOW or do you know OF?

By altarofheaven

Jesus said “All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.” (Matthew 11:27)

I am humbled, I am thankful, I am sorrowful when I read this truth.  I am humbled because I realize the loving relationship I have with My Father (God) and His Son (Jesus Christ) is not because of ANYTHING I’ve done right. I am thankful He has revealed Himself to me.  I am sorrowful for those who do not know Him.  For 32 years I was one who knew ‘of’ God but I didn’t ‘know’ God personally.

Again I am humbled I ‘get’ to know Him so intimately when I don’t deserve to.  I’ve done MANY things wrong, I was born a sinner. A person who naturally wants to disobey God.  A person who is naturally selfish, impatient, unkind, jealous, envious, brags, arrogant, and can act unbecomingly….I seek my own agendas, I am provoked and I keep a record of wrongs.   Yes, I am talking about myself.  I am talking about my ‘natural’ self.  Do you want to be my friend?

I’ve used those terms to describe myself because 1 Corinthians 13 was a Scripture God revealed to me in the Spring of 2009 to show me I was a sinner (before that I thought I was a good person).  God’s Word in 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is, you should read it.  Do you know the greatest commandment is “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”  Ok stay with me…God COMMANDS we LOVE Him and others: He ‘COMMANDS’ it, but in my natural state do I? Can I? No! I told you how my natural state is selfish, sinful (disobedient to God) I can’t LOVE God let alone another person! I see the standard.  I see I cannot make the standard and I see I am not a good person. Most devastating to me is I see that I am not loving God and that’s what breaks me….and I weep. I weep and weep because I want to love God with all my heart, soul and mind but how?

My gentle Father does not leave me in the state of sadness but provides me relief and comfort.  He tells me I am forgiven and He loves me.  He tells me just how much He loves….“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.  For God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world might be saved through Him.” (John 3:16-17).  

You would think after calling myself all of those horrible selfish adjectives I would condemn myself and go into deep state of sadness but did you read John 3:17?  Read it again “For God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.”  My Father tells me, ‘my sweet child, I do not condemn you, neither should you condemn yourself…or others.’ I was smitten ever since and by His grace and mercy, His Truth has set me free!

The spring of 2009 was just the beginning of my relationship with God my Father and every day I have a retreat with Him.  It is at these retreats He reminds me I am forgiven, He gives me daily bread and grace and shows me how to love Him and how to love others. How does He show me?  Through His Word (Bible) and through His Holy Spirit that lives inside me…an inaudible voice that speaks to my heart and says, this is the way, walk in it…

Jesus Messiah, my Lord and Savior said: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3

I am intentionally praying for all readers of this blog…yes YOU. I am praying you know and love Him and if you already do, I pray you are growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Do you Know the only true God and Jesus Christ? When were you smitten?

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Meditations of His Word

October 22, 2011

Biblical lessons from my children…

By altarofheaven

Dark Motivation Quote Social GraphicWhen I am still, listen and watch I notice God teaches me through my children…

One day when my son was 4 he told me he didn’t want to go downstairs alone because he was scared.  Somewhat frustrated because we had gone through this several times I was about to tell him ‘God is with you’ but before I could, he said, “Mama God is not with me He’s with you.”  Surprised at his response I asked him, “Ok, well do you want God to be with you?” He thought about it looked up and said, “No, He might take away my cereal!” I smiled acknowledging the truth of what He said–that He did not want God because He was afraid of what he might have to give up.  I smiled because I remembered, I remember that fear of letting go of control and being afraid of giving up what I wanted.  But what my son and I didn’t know in the past that we both know now is what Jesus said “…if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).  We must deny ourselves! God the Father showed us His great love by sending Jesus to die for our sins so we CAN have a relationship with Him, but that’s not all…
I hope you’re still reading because this is the part I think a lot of people miss: When we deny ourselves, when we fully surrender every area to Him He helps us through His Holy Spirit.  Less of us means more of Him.  Oh I pray God continues to help me deny the “cereal” in my life I’m still holding on to.

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