Mother’s Day was always an awkward ‘holiday’ for me since I was not raised by my Mother. For years I was bitter and angry allowing the circumstances of my life to determine my identity. I wallowed in self pity and brooded over my insecurities and the life I never had.  That was until I saw my Mother and myself the way God does…with grace and love. This is God’s story of reconciliation...

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It was a breezy Spring day in 2010 when my Mother and I sat on the swinging bench of my front porch–there were no more awkward silences.  Instead we were giving thanks and rejoicing in the Truth of God’s Word, “how nothing is too difficult for Him” how He IS a God of reconciliation and we knew it from the depths of our souls…

Just weeks before I was at a Mother of Preschoolers (MOPS) event listening to a young Mom’s testimony of how she struggled with insecurities of being a Mom since she was not raised by her Mom.  I knew this story all too well, it was mine too. I wasn’t expecting her similar testimony to confront a wound I had pretended didn’t exist, but there it was. I sank low in my chair, while my body trembled from my attempt to hold back tears stored up in my heart. That day I  let it ALL out and allowed God to heal a hurt.  I unclenched my hands that were holding onto the ashes of my past and gave them to my Abba, believing He would turn them to beauty.

I was in the beginning days of being a stay-at-home Momma, and now I can see that God was doing His work of sanctification to prepare me for this ministry of Motherhood.  The LORD showed me, He would heal what I would reveal…After surrendering to the conviction of the Holy Spirit I confessed to God my bitterness, anger, and my sin of un-forgiveness I still had toward my Mother.

My Mother. The woman who carried me in her womb for 9 months after being told she couldn’t have any more kids. The woman who named me Arcelia, rocked me, and cared for me until I was three, then she was gone.

The circumstances and reasons she left were irrelevant to my rejected heart, and I built a impenetrable wall around it.  Five years later Jesus Christ found her and with godly sorrow she turned back to reconcile what was lost, but it seemed too late.  I was eight years old and I had moved on, and considered her a stranger, someone I kept further than an arms distance.  When I did see her occasionally I took advantage of her guilt and shame by manipulating her to get my way.  Still she never stopped loving me and never stopped praying.

Two of the most influential items of my life…my Mom gave me: God’s Word and a Prayer journal.

When I was eleven she gave me a prayer journal with our pictures in it, encouraging me to write my thoughts to the God she now knew.  For my twelfth birthday she gave me my very own Bible, I hated it because I didn’t like pink and I didn’t believe. But still she loved and never gave up.

I remember hearing her sing songs about Jesus Christ and some days she would spontaneously say, ‘Thank you Jesus‘ and it made me cringe. When I finally asked her why she said that ‘all the time’ she would say, “I’m just so thankful He saved me and He let me to have time with you.” I made fun of her and her faith…she suffered much and yet she never stopped loving me and never stopped praying.

When I turned 20 I decided I would forgive her but it was on my own terms and in my own strength so it never lasted.  It wasn’t until Jesus Christ found me and I was born again in 2009 that this sad story took a turn for God’s glory!

Swinging on the bench that Spring 2010 I shared with my Mother a testimony of when I heard God speak to me.  How in 2008 I finally read the Bible she gave me, and how God sent a vessel of mercy and grace to pray for our family and disciple me–the nanny that prayed herself out of a job! God used this loving praying nanny to open our eyes, ears and heart to the unseen.

I told my Mom before Jesus Christ, I never had the confidence to be a Mother since I was never raised by her.  I believed the lies that I was a better Mother working outside the home and it was best to sacrifice time with them to invest in their future.  I ran away from my role as a Mother and numbed myself to the calling—and I put my work before my family.

After my encounter with God in 2009, He gave me a new heart and put a new spirit within me and “removed my heart of stone from my flesh and gave me a heart of flesh” and I was no longer afraid to be a Mother.  She listened as I recounted how in just 12 months God transformed my husband and I from the inside out and we began to closely follow Jesus wherever He would lead us…the first move was from Washington D.C. to Alabama.

I told her about my prayer to God that day at the MOPS event when I vowed to God if He ever gave me another chance I would cut loose the noose of un-forgiveness I had around my Mother.  I told Him I would forgive and love her the way only He could and how He responded to that prayer by having her call me the very next day! After years of rejection from me I realized why she rarely called other than Birthdays and holidays but this day was a different kind of phone call.  She heard I was born again, a woman of prayer and she asked ME to pray for HER! I told her I knew her current trial had a specific kingdom purpose, and she was to come and spend a week with me.  She came!

As I drove to the airport I was excited and hopeful and thankful because this would be the first time in my life I would be alone with her.  I finally understood why my Mother used to say, “Thank You Jesus.“

It was a glorious week of healing and redemption by the power of God’s Holy Spirit! Now, the day before she was leaving we sat on the swinging bench sharing our hearts and tears allowing God’s Holy Spirit to guide us to healing.  I asked for her forgiveness for the years of bitterness and anger I had toward her, and she quickly told me she had already forgiven me.  I was thankful for the opportunity to tell my Mom God gave me a new song and no longer am I singing the ‘woe is me, my Mother left me’ song because love keeps no records of wrong.  I told her I would never again hold her sins above her head.

She shared with me her past concerns of my life: when she heard I was first pregnant she thought it would be difficult for me because I didn’t have her growing up to show me how to be a Mother–how would I do it? She was also concerned because I was very ambitious and career oriented and thought the children would get lost in my achievements (she was right).

Then with tears she told me the most recent concern she had about me being a stay-at-home Mother…she said she thought it would be impossible to turn a once Air Force Captain and Business Consultant to a full time Mother…would it be too much for me? After all, I used to make fun of stay-at-home moms. But nothing is impossible with God.

She said after spending a week of shadowing me in my new life in Christ she saw for herself the testimony, “If anyone is in Christ they are a new creation, the old has passed away, behold the new has come...” She saw that God’s power is made perfect in weakness and He is glorified!

We swung in the bench of my Alabama home as the wind blew the butterfly chimes that Spring of 2010 and we joyfully laughed and lifted our voices with thanksgiving, praising God for His lovingkindness and faithfulness!

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I used to lament over lost years with my Mother but by God’s grace, not anymore. I see even in our unfaithfulness God was still working, knitting our hearts together in love through her continual prayers and enduring love–it was all matter of time when I would awaken.

God healed our relationship! My relationship with her is so loving and we now communicate often and she even read this entry before I posted it.

“All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

When I first told her I wanted to write about what God had done in our lives but was concerned about dishonoring her by bringing up the past she said, “Write it. Tell others. It’s not about me. It’s about God.”

She courageously and selflessly said she is secure in the grace and forgiveness of God and in the relationship  we have today.  She said “People need to hear what God has taught us to help those that may be in the same position right now.”

She’s right. People need to know how to reconcile relationships—it is through the power of Jesus Christ (John 15:5)!

God is not done with this story for His glory…In the near future my Mother is moving closer to my sisters and I so that she can spend more time with us and her grandchildren.

Do you see? If God can restore what the locusts have eaten, don’t you believe He can restore anything?

God is interested in reconciliation of relationships. God wants to be reconciled with everyone, and wants us to be reconciled to one another. Who do you need to be reconciled with today? Is it God or is it another? I have prayed for all who will read this…May the Holy Spirit guide you into all Truth and may you be set free!

” Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.” Psalm 34:11

{This post contains an affiliate link–your support is a gift to me.}

I have written many posts about the ministry of Parenting and how God is teaching me how to raise my children in the way they should go, and how being a parent requires a lot of humility with sanctifying second chances.

I believe God has called me to disciple my children and this is one calling I am growing in grace and knowledge every day. I don’t have much time to read many books other than the Bible and I agree with Ecclesiastes 12:12 “…be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.” Therefore I choose my books wisely.

My husband and I were graciously given the opportunity to review ‘The Christian Parenting Handbook” written by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. The Scripture that kept being brought to my remembrance when I was reading this is:

“The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails; they are given by one Shepherd.” Ecclesiastes 12:11

This book is packed with wisdom with practical examples and encouragement to raise children and yet it is full of grace and freedom, acknowledging the truth that “every child is unique, and every family has its own set of dynamics.” This book helps us to fully implement and put our ‘ideas’ into practice! It is refreshingly Biblical, focusing on the heart, and the importance and profit of using Scripture to teach and train our children. I was most thankful for the Authors acknowledgment of the role and power of the Holy Spirit and how we must not depend on human traditions to raise our children. The Authors write:

“Paul warned in Colossians 2:8, “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” That warning is important for parents, because our world is full of ideas, and many of them are unhelpful, resting on tradition instead of godliness. Instead, you can develop a parenting philosophy that’s based on a solid theology of God and His plan for life.”

Dear readers, if you want to be challenged to think Biblically about parenting, allow the Holy Spirit to convict you where necessary and adjust accordingly: read the Bible and read this book! I know I am not alone when I say this because the books are SOLD out at all the major retailers and Christian books stores! The only place you can get it now is here.

I could write for hours on how God has used this book to convict and redirect my parenting but I want you to be able to post this quickly so you will NOT miss out on the opportunity to get one at a discounted price AND the opportunity to get the $400 in Biblical parenting resources just for purchasing the book this week (April 29 to May 5)!

Here’s how you receive your $400 gift:

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As a member of The Christian Parenting Handbook launch Team, I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review and the opportunity to promote related giveaways and activities to my readers. All opinions are my own.

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”       1 Peter 4:8

I was giddy to have time alone with God, and was on my way out the door when my seven year old son asks if he could join me. I politely tell him, “Not this time.”

He pleads with me and I shamefully redirect his attention from investing time in our relationship to his inanimate toys.

I leave him. And I began to swat away convicting thoughts replacing them with a justifying one:

“I’m home all day with the kids and they see me all the time. I deserve this time…”

I was five minutes out, and I could no longer ignore or numb the conviction of the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart gently showing me I did not choose what was best.  I repented of my selfishness and turned the car around to swoop up the son of my vow.

I felt as though I couldn’t get to my son fast enough and I was full of gratitude, thankful it wasn’t too late to undo my poor decision.

I ran to his room and see him tacking a note to the door.  I got on my knees to look into his hurt eyes and speak to his rejected heart:

“I came back for you! God showed me I wasn’t choosing what was best…”

As I say these words I read the note he tacked to the door, which confirmed the urgency of my conviction and his bruised heart:

“I hate Mommy!”

My heart sinks and aches of this revelation and I see his embarrassed look of regret as he tries to tear off the note and I ‘cover‘ the note with one hand and gently place my other hand on his, and say:

“Oh this. Yes. I understand my son, Mommy is not perfect, and I did not choose wisely, do you forgive me?”

He nods, and hugs me tightly.

I shove the note into my pocket as a stone of remembrance to remind me not to miss out on future opportunities to sow God’s unfailing love. Holding hands we race to the car as giddy children of God, excited for the opportunity for our reconciled hearts to communicate over coffee, milk and cookies. 

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I tell my children about God every day. I tell them about His great love and how Jesus Christ laid down His life for the world, so that we can be reconciled to have an intimate relationship with God the Father.  I tell them about the conviction of the Holy Spirit, how He will guide us into all Truth helping us to trust and obey God’s Word. I tell them how Jesus Christ is alive in me.

Yes I SPEAK of God’s love often and God gives me ample opportunities to SHOW my children this type of love…of laying down of my own selfish desires to listen to their hearts.  If you could see more than a snapshot of my life you would see I have missed many opportunities.

For our flesh, to love is easier said than shown–but not for God, God IS love! The same Holy Spirit dwelling in Jesus Christ dwells in me so the Truth is I have what it takes to love the way God has called me to love.

I’m thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness and for His Holy Spirit guiding me into all Truth, and I’m thankful we ‘get to’ show the Lord Jesus Christ to others:

“Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14

“…Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love Me?’ He said, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed My sheep.” John 21:17 

*I am sharing this confession not to boast about my sin. Sin is not a laughing matter, it actually makes me mourn. I share this to boast about my God, to testify He is alive and His Spirit still convicts the world of sin, righteousness and judgment and He uses yielded vessels to show His love. This true story is an example of how I willfully made choices not to grieve Him with my disobedience–even though it wasn’t first time obedience.

I like Chipotle Restaurants and I love God.

To love God is easier said than shown.  God says, ‘If you love me you will keep my commandments’ (John 14:15). God’s two greatest commandments involve the word LOVE so I’d say love is very important to God.  I’m learning love is an action, not a feeling–you can’t love without giving and this particular sunny California day God was about to teach me again about His love….

• Deny Joey money
• Deny Joey God’s eternal food
• Deny Joey perishable food
• Deny Joey intercession
• Deny Joey love

• God gave His Son Jesus Christ to reconcile me to Himself allowing me to have a heart to love, ears to hear Him, eyes to see
• God gave me His Holy Spirit, the comforter that teaches me and guides me in Truth and brings to remembrance God’s Word
• God gave me the courage to obey
• God even took care of the cost of Joey’s lunch!

“Just as the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you. So abide in My love.” John 15:9

God has a perfect will:

The problem is I have a will of my own that doesn’t always want to submit to God’s will:

I have a will separate and apart from God’s

The problem can get worse when there are more wills in the picture (like my husband’s):

Three separate wills

God’s perfect will for marriage is that “The two shall become one flesh” just as Jesus Christ and the Father are One (John 10:30)

It doesn’t stop there…God wants us to be One with Him just as Jesus Christ prays in John 17:

 “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.
 “The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.

(John 17:20-23)

Three wills become one

I know what it’s like to be one with God and in the center of His will, even in the midst of a difficult trial, and it’s PEACE! I’ve experienced the peace that surpasses all understanding and I know that’s where I want to be…in the center of God’s will. This peace is an outcome not the goal. The goal is love resulting in obedience.

As my husband and I trust in the Lord and seek His kingdom and righteousness, the Holy Spirit helps us to pray according to God’s perfect will, and God makes our paths straight with His voice behind us telling us ‘the way to go’. We know we are on the right path when we both experience unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

We do not usually know the final outcome of every situation but we choose to follow God by faith not by sight for every. surrendered. step. After all, the righteous will live by faith and righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith through the gospel.

I must confess this is not always an easy process and sometimes my husband is yielded to God’s will and I’m not or I’m yielded to God and my husband is not, and there have been other times my husband and I were united in our wills and yet not yielded to God’s will as a couple. To be out of the will of God is the worst place to be and there is NO peace but conviction, turmoil and unrest.

My husband and I know the glorious place to be is in the center of God’s will! It is NOT always easy to surrender our wills but we are learning to say like Jesus, ‘…yet not My will, but yours, be done”. We are learning to have our Garden of Gethsemane moments crying out to God, ‘Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

We have learned we can’t be in the center of God’s will without:

• Jesus Christ: “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.” John 14:6

• Love for God resulting in obedience: “Whoever has My commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves Me. He who loves me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love him and show Myself to Him.” John 14:21

• Surrendering our wills: “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” John 16:24

• The Holy Spirit: “In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

Saved and reconciled to God by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, wrapped in His righteousness and clothed with His Holy Spirit Power from on High we can now come boldly to God’s throne of grace and worship God in Spirit and in Truth. We give thanks to God! What joy and peace to know your purpose!

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him (Jesus) we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His glory. In Him, you also after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation–having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory.” Ephesians 1:3-14

“My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

Ambition is defined as “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.”

For 30 years my ambition was to get degrees, make a six-figure salary, and climb the ladder of worldly success–basically it was to build my own kingdom. ‘I’ actually accomplished all of this under the age of 33.

My Daddy would say I would climb the highest mountains of success and was already looking for the next highest challenge to defeat just before finishing the one I was on. He was right. He meant it as a compliment, and for many years I took it as one. That was until I met Jesus Christ on 2-12-2009. That morning in the privacy of my home I wholly surrendered my life and I have never been the same since. I put all of my selfish dreams, desires, aspirations on the altar and told God I would follow Him wherever He would go and do whatever He would ask of me. That was almost four years ago and I still mean it just as I said it then.

When I saw an invitation to participate in a 31 days to dream again with Michele-Lyn the word ‘dream’ sparked my curiosity. Was it really OK to dream? I was weary because of all the ‘prosperity doctrine’ out there tickling the ears, telling people God was there to accomplish their dreams.

But I knew better about Michele-Lyn, a vessel of honor and daughter of the King of kings. I have read her story through tears and tight knots in my throat praising God for the redemption He brings to all of us, and how beautiful it looks in her life.  God placed her heavy on my heart to pray for and it has been amazing to witness through her blog how she “reflects the Lord’s glory” and is “being transformed into Christ’s likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit”(2 Corinthians 3:18).  One of the first questions she asked in this 31 days series was: “How do you feel about your dreams“  I was not expecting my response:

Fear. I’m afraid to dream again because my personality is one that goes ‘above and beyond’ and I’m afraid I will advance in my own strength.  I’m afraid I will get distracted by the things of this world and forget my first love Jesus Christ. I’m afraid I won’t accomplish what God has first asked: to be His daughter, a wife and mother. I’ve spent so many years chasing my own dreams and desires I’ve wasted so much time setting my mind on my own interests not God’s. I know perfect love casts out all fear and God’s love is perfect. I know I must begin on my knees seeking first God’s kingdom and righteousness and ‘all these things will be added’. Is that’s what’s happening here? God is adding something?

As I revisited stones of remembrances I see God DID add a dream in my heart one year after my rebirth! I was putting my 4 year old son to bed and he asked me to tell him a story. I made one up. Everyday the story would grow and centered on the love of God.  One day my son told me to write the book. I froze and didn’t write.  Do you know what he did? His four year old hands illustrated the book and then he sat me down and told me to write the words. This ‘book’ sits in my treasure box. Friends have encouraged me in various ways to write. I was paralyzed with fear and said, ‘I’m not a writer.’

I could cry when I think about how patient and loving God is with me. How He is showing me what I look like to Him, and how He sees me. True to the commitment I made I have followed Him where He has taken me and I realize it’s been 15 months since my first blog post! I didn’t know what I was doing {still don’t} but it’s been 15 months of writing 15 months of training 15 months of ‘Waiting and Writing God’s Way ‘.

When I read these words from Michele-Lyn I knew this was for me:

Dreamers, this I am saying to you…

Speak life into those who are dead in their sin.
So they would stand and be carriers of His glory, too.
To advance His Kingdom in this earth.

So stopping you means stopping the advancement of His Kingdom because God has chosen to use you,
to be His body in the earth, so others would know that the Son was sent by God the Father.

I wept. God has replaced my worldly ambition with a Holy one!

Today I make another step towards walking out the ‘good works He has prepared beforehand’ for me to do and I make the commitment:

Abba, I will write the children’s book you have placed in my heart. I am approaching this assignment with fear and trembling because I do not want to misguide anyone. I do not want to forsake the first callings You have given me as Your daughter, a wife and mother. I cast these cares on You knowing You will sustain me and You will never let me fall because of the robe of righteousness I wear from Your Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit gently guiding my steps. ‘My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.’ May it happen to Your servant as You have said. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

What good works has God given you to do?

 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

“But if I say, I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name, then in my hear it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I m weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.” Jeremiah 20:9

“I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

I want to introduce you to a humble servant of God, a mama that was willing to be transparent with her struggles so that God may be glorified in not only your lives but the lives of all you come in contact with. This mama, Sarah Mae has shared her struggles of motherhood at her blog and now by God’s hand she has written a book with a Titus 2 woman of God Sally Clarkson. Sally Clarkson is a woman of the Word that has gone before us young mamas in motherhood and is willing to share her experiences, confessions, pearls and treasures from God’s Word.

Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae are raising an anthem call, “Desperate, Not Defeated” in their new book “Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe“. They remind us the breath we need is God’s Holy Spirit gently guiding us in the plan He has uniquely designed for your family. Written unlike any book I’ve ever read we have the perspective of a young mama and a wise ‘older woman’ answering the questions most of us mamas have but are too embarassed to ask.

This book is not just for moms that stay home it is for ALL MOMS, MAMAS, MOMMAS, MOMMYS, MOTHERS! Throughout the book Sally lifts the arms of Sarah Mae and all of us mommas, encouraging us in the LORD reminding us of His banner over us ‘LOVE‘ and reminding us where our strength and help comes from: God.

I have been mobilized by Sarah Mae exhorting older moms not to forget what it’s like in the early days of motherhood:

“Let’s remember, so that we can be the Titus 2 women that our generation is so desperate for.”

This January marks three years that I’ve been staying home as a full time wife and momma. I was answering a call God had put on my life that I ignored because of my insecurities, fears of inadequacy and selfishness. This calling was Motherhood.

I want to tell you mommas out there: I remember.

I remember what it was like being a momma that worked outside the home. Yes, I know it is very hard!

I remember what it’s like to be a new stay at home momma. Yes, I know it is very hard!

For the first four years of my sons life and the first two years of my daughter’s life I worked full time. In fact, I worked so much I hardly saw my children less than fifteen hours a week and weekends (if I didn’t send them to my sister’s). I was one of the biggest persecutors of stay at home moms, thinking they were lazy and wasting their time and talent. For years, I felt this way. Then God changed me. That was the ONLY way this could happen. God.

This book encouraged me to revisit my journal entries from those early days of desperation.

Here are a few:

12-21-09 (I was still working outside the home when I wrote this):

“I am humbled in my role as a mother. I can’t do this without You God, and anything good that comes from this is from You, not anything I do or will have done.”

1-30-10 (Just a few days in this new role)

“Already I am tired. I’m trying not to look back or forward, but trying to just be present, open to hear what You (God) want to teach me.”

2-3-10

“Father, I do see my new role here…no longer working outside the home but now I am able to concentrate on shining the love of Christ to Billy, Benjamin and Annaleigh. To teach out children to love You and love one another. Help me to see each of them as You do. May this service of wife and mother be an offering and sacrifice to You God as a fragrant aroma.”

2-9-10

“I need Your help! I can’t raise Benjamin and Annaleigh without Your guidance and discernment!” God’s response to me: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; 2 Corinthians 5:12-17; 1 John 3:1

2-16-10

“I keep hearing negativity about being ‘just’ a stay at home mom and how hard it is, I can’t speak fully about it now because I’ve only done this for three weeks but I’d like to think I will continue to enjoy this because it is an offering for You Father and I want to raise Benjamin and Annaleigh to know You through loving them. Father, I want to be led by Your Spirit so I can obey Your Word. I accept the full power of Your Holy Spirit and release and yield myself to You as a living sacrifice.“

2-16-10 Later that day…

“The kids became tired and fought and I sent Benjamin to his room and he threw another fit…he doesn’t like me. He even tried to barricade the door. Help me Father, help me to hear Your Holy Spirit on how to react and what to say!

2-22-10

“Today I felt so tired and I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t make Billy’s breakfast, coffee or lunch. The kids woke up before me and wanted breakfast right away and our normal routine. I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. I don’t know if it was warfare or me being lazy. I confessed my bad mood and tried again. Things were well until Annaleigh cried because she didn’t want her hair brushed. Now Benjamin is testing me again–not taking naps–I need Your help, I can’t do this without You! Thank You!

I sometimes feel like Moses, He had a relationship with You and was leading the Israelites to the promised land but they complained often and Moses cried out to You for help, as I do. The whining and complaining really get to me, but I suppose that’s how I sound to You right now. Sometimes I feel like the giant in Gulliver’s travels when the little people pinned down this giant and danced around…I guess like that giant I didn’t know the strength within me…but I’m learning. I’m learning to yield to the power of Your Holy Spirit and to listen to what You are trying to teach me through Your Word and through my children and current cirumstances.“

These journal entries are special to me because they are cries of a mothers heart to God, asking for help.

When I read Desperate I was reminded of what God has been teaching me these past three years as a Mother and these lessons have been confirmed by a mother after God’s own heart Sally Clarkson:

The book Desperate reminds us we may be desperate but we are not defeated! We are desperate for God’s help and must remember the battle has already been won by Jesus Christ! We must remember God’s grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in weakness(2 Corinthians 12:9)!

The first two years I stayed home as a full time mama I only read the Bible. I believe His Word is what gives life, and I choose my books and what I read wisely–through prayer. God has been teaching me He uses sanctified vessels to share His Words in many forms (like blogs and books). Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae are God’s sanctified yielded vessels full of mercy and grace and it is evident in what they write, for out of the heart the mouth speaks…and pen writes.

This book really impacted me! Not only did it confirm what God has been teaching me about being a mother but also about being a mentor, afterall I am an older woman to someone right? Let us encourage one another to love and good deeds, shall we?

I whole-heartedly recommend this book and pray you will be as blessed as I am with it!

“..if you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” John 4:10

We all have been given a gift of God.

I received this Gift almost four years ago and I’m STILL unpacking, meditating, savoring, pondering and rejoicing what has been given. As I unpack and discover the magnitude of this Gift, everything else in this world is fading away. Things that once mattered to me like wealth, prestige and material items have lost its lure. Conversely, things that didn’t matter to me now do. My heart breaks for the orphans and widows, for my brethren throughout the Nations who are in prison for standing firm in their faith—the same faith I proclaim to have.

My heart is rending for the lost and lonely, the physically and spiritually malnourished—for those that do not know a Gift has been given.  I have been in mourning these past few weeks, tortured by the distractions and plenty I have in this beautiful Country.  I have fought Pharisaical and prideful thoughts, angry at the misguiding distractions this world tempts to entangle me in ‘the spirit of Christmas’.  I go to my Father lamenting and pounding my chest crying out for His mercy, for only He knows my thoughts and intentions and I ask Him to help me to have a spirit of Christmas.  As I write down the words ‘spirit of CHRISTmas’ my eyes are opened:

In Spanish ‘más’ means more so to me this means: ‘The Spirit of more CHRIST’!

I am reminded that I KNOW the ‘gift of God’ Jesus Christ, and not only has He humbled Himself to be with us, as His daughter He is for me and He is IN me! I drank of the water that has been given to me by Jesus Christ and I have been given a ‘well of water springing up to eternal life’—what a Gift I have been given! To ponder on this Gift is to have a Mary CHRISTmás!

I pray you are born again and have received the gift of the Holy Spirit and your life is a Mary CHRISTmás {Spirit of more Christ}. Just ask Him for yourself…

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” Luke 11:13

“And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, ‘Write, for these words are faithful and true. Then He said to me, ‘It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.  I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.  He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.  But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelation 21:13-17)

 “To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” Titus 1:15

“For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God; for He gives the Spirit without measure. John 3:34

]]> http://altarofheaven.org/2012/12/25/the-gift-of-god-the-spirit-of-christ/feed/ 5 altarinheaven Holy Fountain Consume us with You http://altarofheaven.org/2012/12/14/a-friend-loves-at-all-times/ http://altarofheaven.org/2012/12/14/a-friend-loves-at-all-times/#comments Fri, 14 Dec 2012 03:43:34 +0000 altarofheaven http://altarofheaven.org/?p=777 ]]>

“If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you.”  John 13:14-15

It was one of those days…dirty dishes and clothes piled high, filthy toilets and sinks, with a heart heavily burdened by the hurts in the world. I felt crushed and overwhelmed. The phone rings revealing my God given friend asking to stop by for a visit. I say yes!

My pride tempts me to rush around to tidy up the house and heart, and to forge a smile on my face…but I surrender to humility.  When she walks in, the Light is bright and the fire within her is intense for the love of Christ, and she shares Him with me, unknowing what was going on in my heart.  She’s never seen my hands ‘down’ before.

A simple request for a sandwich from my children brings a flow of anxiety and she ‘sees.’ She sees my brokenness and overwhelmed heart—the Holy Spirit in her takes over.  She makes my children lunch, washes my dishes, cleans my daughter’s room and even braids my daughter’s hair.  I share with her convictions in my heart and she listens.  She doesn’t try to ease those convictions or make me feel better but allows the Holy Spirit do His work in my heart.

She doesn’t try to say I’m a good person but washes my feet with God’s Word reminding me of Jesus Christ, what He has done, how we are dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  She lifts my weary arms to worship reminding me of the living hope we have in Christ and the joy that is ours. She takes me to the throne of grace and helps me to touch the robe I wear.  We pray, confessing and asking for godly sorrow and repentance knowing God’s grace is there for the taking. After we pray my Light is shining bright, and I am stirred to love and good deeds. I remember whose I am.

I see.  I ‘see’ brokenness is good.  Brokenness reveals and exposes my weaknesses and brokenness allowed me to see just how much love has been poured out in my friends’ heart. I’m thankful for this gift of friendship and for the love my friend has for Jesus Christ…and for me. Thank you my ‘pink friend who loves red letters‘ you are blessed indeed!

 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

“How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!” Romans 10:15-16

{I have the awesome opportunity to be part of a team collecting shoe box gifts this week for Operation Christmas Child and want to give you a peek at this goodness}

The woman cautiously walked into the spacious gym warmly decorated with hospitable treats intriguing all the senses. Wrapped in her arms were two shoe boxes tightly hugging against her chest. Silence is broken with a simple question, “would you like to pray for the hungry souls that will receive this gift?” She looks intently in my eyes and nods with an enthusiastic, “oh yes I would love to!”

I then ask a personal question, “Is there anything we can pray for you about your own life?” Her eyes well up with tears threatening to pour out and she shines a bright smile and says,

“No thank you, I am just so blessed, I am so blessed to be able to do this, to give to someone else, I am so blessed.”

Her use of the word ‘blessed’ three times does not escape my notice–you can hear Truth pour out from her thankful heart, you can see she is giving from a heart of love.  She is giving for love not legalism.

The three of us join hands and approach boldly the throne of grace and pray for the hearts that will receive this gift, praying fervently God will cause a growth in the seeds sown and watered. We pray for her and she releases the pent up tears she tried desperately to hold back drenching the shoebox. Afterwards she hugs us tightly and thanks us profusely and spills over her gratitude for what has been given to her–grace, and now this gift she is able to offer to another. She walks out full of joy and glows.

I stand there and look down at the entrusted shoeboxes and I see her tears soaked the boxes and I know God has them. I am changed by this moment and I see her feet are beautiful, I see her shoeboxes represent her feet and represent the eternal lives that will be offered an opportunity to live forever in freedom in Jesus Christ. Yes, I am changed by this moment.

Look more closely and you too will see…it’s not just a shoebox…and it’s not too late to join us–wrap yours and send it today!

“In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”